Yup. I'm Stuck.

        What is it with these posts that start out feeling like the irony of timing is more "Manic Mondays" than "Motivational Mondays"?

        In this week (week 11), Christine Morgan talks about "being stuck":

"The significant problems we face

cannot be solved at the same level of thinking

we were at when we created them."

~ Albert Einstein

        And part of the insights she offers, and the question she offers as a nudge to ponder:

"In order to solve these problems, we need to step out of the situation. 

Take a look at things in an objective manner, or take an overview, 

in order to find what your next step can be."

"What problem can use a new level of thinking?"

        Actually, Christine's comments in the section reflect upon the concept of ruts; how do we find ourselves in them, and how do we get out?  And when I first read the section title, "I'm Stuck", in my head I was glad it was only Monday, and I'd have the rest of the week to get to it...because the title made me chuckle.  "Yup, I'm stuck alright!"

        And it just so happens that it is now, at the time I'm beginning this, Friday night - make that Saturday morning, and yup, I'm still stuck!  I should be asleep, at 3 am, but who in their right mind sleeps at 3 am?!

        Don't answer that.

        I had every intention of being to sleep before 3 am, this time.  I've been giving in to the temptation to cheat one need over another, this week: my need for sleep vs. my need to connect.  Seems like it's been a while I've been doing this to myself (those who know me are probably thinking, "Ya think?!"), and it seems to be beginning to seriously take its toll.

        I could ponder the idea if this was not the context in which Mr. Einstein actually said that quote.  I could also ponder my personal preferences in modern scientists, from whom to gather quotes.  I could even ponder how my preferred scientist(s) would feel about the quote, the attributed speaker, the context.... 

        Then I would have to ponder my ability to use stalling tactics.  Ahem.

        The truth is...I've a lot of problems that could use a new level of thinking.  We probably all do, though.  The reason I had to laugh when I read this section in the book, is because (not that I love admitting it) I'd looked at the book earlier in the week, realizing I've put off writing this post; and looked at it while trying to get my mind off the fact that it feels like my life has become a series of incarnations of the same, old rut.  "Same story, different day."

        And then, when I read it this time it was while upset about something that seems to cycle and recycle, regularly...which was exactly what Christine was discussing in the section for this week!  So...since I wasn't going to be sleeping anyway, despite the late hour and having wanted to sleep early tonight...I figured I might as well get started on this.  This is a challenge I made for myself, but "being accountable" here, with you, helps me kind of push myself forward, and that is a good thing.  Really.  Honest.

        Okay first, I want to say that I realize that clinging to the past as an excuse for present and future behavior is not only unhealthy and unwise, it can be damaging to ourselves and prevent us from progressing in healthy and constructive ways.  I do know that.  I have realized that, in being able to have lived this example in more than one situation in my life.  I really have.  Honest.

        However...I also realize that knowing and understanding the past can give us a foundation toward making choices that affect the future.  As George Santayana said: "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."  And as I work toward understanding why I think, feel and do what I do, I realize - let's just face it - there is a great foundation there in my past and those who most influence(d) me, that has given me the wings to... crash and burn.

Is that a valid excuse?  

Up til I understood the situation(s), 

I believe yes, that was the reason and it is a valid one.  

Is it a valid excuse for making choices to continue along that path?  

No, not really.  Because the choices are now in my hands

and I have the ability to find a way to move on 

in a hopefully, more healthy manner.

        I'm not going to go into all the chaotic mess.  But I am facing this from a perspective that I need to not be a hypocrite - this is a process with which I have helped counsel others - so I need to remove myself, as Christine said, and look at it the same way I would for another.  

        I need to:

• Take stock of the situation.  
• What is happening that makes me feel this way, and what is it that I feel?  
• How is this situation affecting my life, and possibly the lives of others?
• Make a list of things I want to change, and another of what I want to remain the same.  
• Are there things that can be changed, in order to make the situation better?  
• What kinds of things do I want to stay the same?  
• Do I even want to have this situation continue?  
• What do I value, and what is simply there because I don't know what else to do with it?
• Brainstorm ways to address these answers.  
• How can things be changed?  What do I need to do?
• How can I make changes without making what I want to stay the same, change too?
• If I don't want to be in this situation anymore, how can I end, stop or get out of it?  How can I make it not continue, or not cycle into the same thing, all over again?
• What can I do to keep a hold of those things that I feel are of value about this situation, and yet figure out ways to find a balance?
• Whom can I find that I trust, to be my ally/ies, to help me figure this all out?
• Create and implement a plan.
• Contact the person/people I have identified as my ally/ies in this process (remember the word, whanau?), and let them know what I am trying to do, and that I need their help.  Then let them know what help I need, as specifically as possible.  If they agree, great!  Work on the plan with them.  If not?  Keep looking.  Someone will.
• Be clear, be specific, and be sure about what it is I am going to do.
• Phrase the to-dos as positive, firm and clear: I am going to _____. 
• Break the to-dos down into smaller goals, to help keep track of progress.
• Find ways to hold myself accountable, so that I stick to the plan.  My ally/ies can be there to support through cheerleading, brainstorming, providing a listening ear and an understanding heart, and checking in/allowing me to check in regularly, so I have smaller goals to reach.
• Have a "physical" means of keeping track of progress, be it a poster with lines to check off, an online journal, a notepad on my phone, or some other way to mark the specific goals I reach.
• Be willing to adjust the plan as progress is made.
• Celebrate every, single point of progress.  
• Keeping track of achievements and progress helps keep me focused on the positives, rather than the negatives.
• By looking for things to celebrate, I gain a sense of self-worth, and realize that I have the potential to make this work, despite the obstacles.
• Finding healthy ways to celebrate in little ways, can help keep my spirits up and help me keep going.
• Making sure to check in with my ally/ies can help them support me, cheer me on, and celebrate with me.  This helps me continue to look toward the next goal, rather than any setbacks I may encounter.

        Just so you know... I can't exactly say I am expecting that I will be particularly great at this process, but I suppose if I want to make change, this is a good way to begin.  What do you think?  Have anything you'd add or change about the process as I've laid it out?  What would you give as advice to someone who is facing this kind of challenge(s), and how would you expect to offer support?  I'd love to know what you think!  Feel free to leave a comment below, or on the PB Facebook community page.

        Better days ahead, my friends.