Endure to Enlighten the Shadows We Traverse...Someday

       I know, I've been a little dry on the posts, lately.  My apologies, but life happens, and sometimes we just don't have it in us to maintain the steady rhythm, you know?  Since the PB Project has been all about trying to help us all know that we are not alone in what we face, even if what we each face is not the same, I'm just going to let you know that part of that has been about trying to find ways to give self-care during a rather rough patch, these past months.  I've explained that on the PB Community Facebook Page, but not as much for you.  So there you go.

        I tell ya, this past year has not been my favorite of my lifetime.  Of course, last year I took some major steps on the quest of finding out what is wrong with my body. (Be sure to read the links in that one; they will help you understand more, too.)  I've been grateful for the illuminating path, and the things I've learned, as well as the people I've come to know and feel in some ways as family.

        As a quick update, by the way, for those who have been following along on my journey as described in that link, the genetics lab that did my Ehlers-Danlos testing has a special program to help me with the cost of my testing, which meant that if it wasn't for the red tape between the lagging of the doctors' staff and the lab, I would have had my results a month ago, and for free, actually!  However, because of said dragging around the restrictions, the earliest my doctor's office could see me, when they called to schedule the appointment quickly so we could discuss my results... is in August.

        Read the date this was posted, hmm?  It is currently March.  They've had the results in since February.  I will get to find out and consult with the doctor in August.  What is that, 6-7 months?!

        Okay, look.  I'm going to be honest, here.  Because it isn't like this little diagnosis thing is the only thing throwing dirt on my plate, and I'm getting a big worn out by all of it.  This is why I've not been writing as much, and why when I do it's a little disjointed and weak.  It's just the way life works, right?  So since I have a little bit more energy than usual, this is a good opportunity to be a bit more real with you than it might usually seem I am.


        Just know, I know:


I don't have to be grateful all the time.

I can think this is stupid, and horrible, and that I even hate it, sometimes.  

I can be angry, and

                 I can cry, and

I can scream into a pillow or out onto the water or wind.

I can allow myself to feel like there is a gaping hole inside my soul. 

I can treat myself tenderly, and kindly, and with love, knowing

I alone can get me through this.

I can ask for help because

I cannot get through this alone.

I can be grateful that
I know this.

I can be grateful that

I am not alone, in this.

I don't have to be grateful all the time, but

I can be grateful some of the time.

I can do my best and know that my best is okay.

I can even do my best and not know it...

    ...and....

...that's okay.

        We don't have to fight so hard to be at peace, my friends.
        Fighting is the opposite of peace, after all.

        Better days ahead, my friends!