Been a bit since I was able to post, though I've been sharing some posts from the archives on the I've been told that there are people out there who admire my ability to kinda just throw my weaknesses and challenges out there, "like it's no big thing". I find that sort of curious. I guess my view on things might be different than some others. Maybe it would do for me to explain it a bit?
Well, I suppose if you don't care to know, you can skip a post, if you like.
For all I know, the story is just another in the growing list!
Without spilling out a long autobiography, most of which I've already covered, I'll just say that I had just turned 12 years old when my parents' divorce was finally final. It had been - a long time coming - and by that point I'd passed through some challenges that left me feeling like no matter what group surrounded me, I just couldn't fit in. Anyone who has survived those years could probably understand such feelings, unless they were very fortunate, in which case I celebrate you for your fortitude!
I digress. Again.
It was probably a year or two later when I began to think beyond my in-the-moment sort of way of life. I had begun to realize how many others there were who struggled, too. The girls who hid, alone, in the back of the church building, crying and wishing they could be free of their lives, no matter how. The kids who starved themselves, or couldn't but wished they could, because it would have been easier on their bodies than what they were already doing. The boys who were teased because they didn't look right, smell right, walk right, talk right; were too smart, or too laid back...there are countless ways for teens to pick on themselves and each other!
At some point, likely after many of the late nights of sitting and listening, sharing and offering what comfort and advice a girl of that age possibly could when facing friends who had nothing to lose but their heartbeat and last hope, I realized that maybe what I felt was my own, worthless life, could in some way be a benefit to those of others. So I told the Universe and whatever Powers That Be, that if somehow my experiences in life could help even one, other life in some positive way, I would accept whatever Life could throw at me.
Looking back on that naive decision, I must simply conclude that my young, inexperienced heart meant well, and the offer was a rather kind one. The brilliance of the choice is debatable, but the kindness and sincerity is clear. I was a nice kid, and just wanted others to not have to feel as hurt, broken and alone as I did. Simple as that.
Since then, I've pretty much continued being the friend who has no trouble giving the truth as honestly as possible, because I feel that when a life is on the line, whether in an urgent sense or more casually, it doesn't do much good to play the stereotypical hero. Actually, that persona isn't really helpful, I've found. The fact is: life hurts, sometimes. For some, it hurts a lot of times, or in some instances, all the time. There is no shame in admitting that, at least as far as I'm concerned.
Over the last, several years, I have come to understand new levels of complexity in life, as I've explained before. My physical health has continued to become more difficult to manage, my mental and emotional health have been more of a challenge to keep balanced, and I've gained and lost a number of loved ones in various ways and in various degrees. Sometimes I can only practice learned skills in healthy coping, self-management and -care, in order to keep moving forward in whatever way I can.
When I've been in that place at which point I have begun to think and feel that the murky gray of my view is all there is and will be, and I simply don't have the strength to keep moving forward through it, the last thing I've needed was someone giving me pre-programmed responses (a.k.a., "cliches"), even if they're true. Particularly, people need connection - real connection, honest, sincere and accepting - because we often feel so, very alone in this life, and we need to feel like we, our experiences, and our thoughts and feelings matter to somebody!
Believe me, something as simple as, "This is a really big challenge, and I just want you to know that I want to be with you, through this, and will do what I can to be sure you don't have to go through this alone," can work a magic you cannot even imagine... just be sure you word it in a way that doesn't set yourself up for failure - promises, promises - and be sure you do what you can to follow through. Because honestly, words are meaningless if they aren't made true.
That might have been a side note...but it was an important one.
This public service message was brought to you by The Phoenix and The Butterfly,
who believes in you, on both sides of that kind of conversation!
Anyway...that's a major part of why I feel at least semi-confident in my being proactive in sharing what I know, be it physical, mental, or emotional health-related. Am I full of it? Maybe. I'm not a guru of any kind. I'm merely someone who cares more about that one I might reach, than I care about the rest who might secretly (or not so secretly) mock me for my boldness in honesty. There have been times I wished there was someone who understood my story, even if I wished no one had to experience anything that I've had to bear. It's just the way of things. If I want more of that kind of people in the world, then I need to be that kind of people, in this world.
Life happens.
It can be hard, and painful, and we can only make it through
when we're making it through, together.
Because in reality, there is also light, and hope, and love in the world,
and when we are able to grasp onto those pieces others offer,
we can find ourselves looking at more beautiful vistas, in time.
Thanks for joining me on the path, my friends. You help me realize that there are people in the world who do "get it", even if they don't experience it, themselves. Empathy is an infinitely powerful gift. Together, I honestly believe that we have the power to change the world, if we are willing.
Better days ahead, my friends!
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