I've been thinking about phoenixes, this past week. I suppose that is appropriate, given the title of this project, but I've found a lot more references to butterflies than to phoenixes, in the areas of the internet I tend to go. Go figure! So my mind tends to wander along the thought of "transformation", rather than "rebirth", and while I'm not exactly sure why the idea of a phoenix feels more appropriate this week, I'm going to just roll with it and see what falls out of my head. Feel free to join me!To help solidify my own thoughts, I did some searching for thoughts of others related to phoenixes, and found some really amazing references! This one in particular stood out to me:
How can you rise, if you have not burned?
~ Hiba Fatima Ahmad
This coming week, I finally arrive at an appointment to meet with a geneticist as I mentioned last week. As I try to deal with my mixed emotions regarding the upcoming event, my thoughts have been drawn to all the times in my lifetime I've dealt with situations which completely changed my life, for better or worse. There are so many times I look back and see the very moment when either events or choices led to the changes, and how suddenly they seemed to transform me and my life. Many of those tender moments are where the butterfly experience seems to fit, and how many people interpret those sorts of things, including myself in many situations.
However, there have also been times wherein I had to face things which changed me and my life so dramatically and painfully, the transformation felt more like devastation, as I reeled in shock and faced white-hot grief. Often, these were related to a major loss, such as a loved one, in whatever way it came, and instead of feeling like the sweet and tender metamorphosis of a butterfly, it was more like the searing destruction of my existence bursting into flames, leaving me with what felt like nothing more than ashes! There is plenty to be said of the kinds of invisible wounds which leave one's very being marred and scarred, when in time they heal enough to be mostly tender and vulnerable, but otherwise healing. I'm grateful to know that it is possible to heal to at least that point.
The amazing thing about being human, is that we can and do have the capacity to heal. Even when our lives are torn apart, and our very beings are strained to the point we seem broken, we have the ability to take what bits and pieces left we can find around us, and weave them into a new kind of life. That new life will likely seem to be nothing of what it was, and we may resent it for that very reason, but it is possible to find enough, and come to create enough, that life will begin again and we can even find happiness, in time.
What is it that gives us that power? What is it that allows us to take those tiny pieces of life, put them together and create more from them? What reinforces that creation and makes it tolerable to the point it's livable, til it can in time even seem "magical" and/or "miraculous"? What is it within us human creatures which makes us be able to rise up, back into life, with otherwise nothing but ashes to use?
I believe it is our capacity to love, and be loved,
as well as our ability to keep a tiny piece of hope
--or at least a hope for hope--
even when we feel all hope is lost.
Love is the glue that holds us together when everything has fallen apart,
and hope is the light which allows us to see
that what we do can make a difference.
If and when you face such experiences in life, my friends, be sure to hold onto your ability to love, accept love, and hope for better things. It is in the smoke and flames that we are given the ability to create more brilliant futures for ourselves and those around us, because we have been through them and know we can survive and move forward, as well as give that light to others in their darkest moments. That is what truly makes us scarred, but beautifully human.
Better days ahead, my friends!
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