For those of you who have been following along in your...um...browser, you will know it is time to refresh the page when...er...you see me posting a new one of these on the That's right! Yeah!
*averts eyes and keeps going*
Do you remember those read-along books? They've come in various forms over the years - records (think, "really big data disks with incredibly low storage capacity"); cassettes (think, "more portable, rewritable storage devices that for some reason thought the disk format was unnecessary, but it was the '80s, so just try to overlook that"); and CDs (think, "maybe it took a decade or so to figure out how to make records more portable?"). They came with picture books with the text of the stories in them, so you could follow along with the story as the narrator made it seem far, more interesting than your young imagination had the developmental ability to do for you, yet.
Why did I insert that last paragraph? Because I may be a bit loose in the gears, but there was a reason that first paragraph was worded as it was. It was mostly for those too unfortunate to have enjoyed countless hours with those read-along babysitting devices. Being the only child of working parents, such devices were the perfect solution for the fact I could never get enough books and stories in my life. And none of this really has anything to do with the topic intended for this post, but at least it has amused me for a moment, to remember one of my favorite, childhood babysitting devices.
I digress...again...
In a personal challenge, for the last, few weeks I've been sharing with you my progress with "Motivational Mondays", a book by Christine Morgan.
This week's quote is about motivational self-talk:
"You're braver than you believe,
and stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think."
~ Christopher Robin to Pooh
This happens to be one of my favorite quotes from the Pooh series, and Christine asks a couple of great questions that have me thinking (which is the point, of course):
What have you been telling yourself "I can't" do?
How can you turn that thinking around?
One thing I've noticed in this challenge, is how clearly I'm having to take a good look at my life, and how I'm thinking and feeling about it. This happens to be one of those kinds of projects I'd say to myself, "Hmm...what a great idea! I bet that would have the potential to really help me face some of my challenges, and maybe even turn them around!" And then I'd get about two pages in and say to myself, "Eek!" I would then hope I hadn't made it a public thing, because then I wouldn't have to go through the anguish of wanting to back out! ;)
Not that I'm planning on backing out. In fact, I'm actually not wishing I could - just so you know. I'm not particularly thrilled with my current attitude, especially since I've made myself promise to be honest about it, here in this Project, but if I wasn't going to be realistic, it would not only be self-defeating, it would also defeat the purpose of the Project, to begin with! I wanted this to be different from other things of this nature, in the fact that I'm not just someone saying I have been through some challenge, overcame it, and so have some lovely self-help advice.
If I waited to get to that point before I shared the journey, the power I've felt could be in it, would be lost. It's a bit humiliating, doing this in real-time, but you might as well realize not everyone else has made it to the top and is waiting for you to get your act together! Nope, not I. I'm right here in the mud puddle, too.
You think I'm stalling, don't you? Yeah, I think I probably am, too. *sigh*
The reason for stalling, if stalling I am, is because this topic happens to be one that is smacking me in the teeth right now. :( The fact is, one might say I'm feeling that I'm in a "period of transition"...another might say other things that are less positive, which I try very hard to avoid, so I'll go with that one. I could just say I'm not good with change, but it goes deeper than that.
And I'm kinda having to battle some pride to even put this into words. I've found at times like this, my easiest option is to just spit it out, blunt or otherwise. So let's see what I can do...
Well, quite honestly, lately just living has been a huge battle for me in general, and so I've been fighting those little nudges inside that keep telling me, "I can't do this. I just can't do this anymore." How's that for putting it out there? "I can't deal with possibly never having a 'normal' life." "I can't bear living in chronic pain, not just physically but in other ways, too." "I can't stand being alone, in a geographic or physical sense (for lack of a better way to say it), nor any other sense." "I can't ever get to the point I will stop moving backward, and I can't deal with that."
In other words, "I can't stop fighting this little pity party I've got going on."
So, the question, "How can I turn that thinking around?" That's a really good, but really difficult question, some days. Granted, overcoming this kind of challenge is part of making myself stronger and more able to deal with those little nudges. And...it's also part of what makes this Project work, right? "PB, if you're gonna help others to know there is hope, you're gonna have to find some, for yourself." Hmm...
Okay so...clearly I've found some hope of some sort, or I'd not still be around...and that's a good step in the positive direction. And I'm continuing to try to work on this Project...which has filled my life with a surprising sense of purpose and joy that I hadn't really expected. Every time I see some form of participation or feedback from it, be it on the Facebook page or comments elsewhere about this blog, I am happily surprised that it matters to even one other person. I guess that's my upbringing speaking, but still. Even a "Like" or comment just makes the other little nudges, nudge back at the first kind of nudges, saying, "See? Stop your whining! Life isn't over, and you have purpose left. Sheesh!"
I guess that means that finding a way to get creative, to make the most of what I *do* have available, to give myself a sense of purpose and hope that I could make my life more than just a pathetic waste. Honestly, my heart really yearns to make a positive difference in the world, and help in whatever ways I can. So I guess that's my answer...finding ways to follow my heart, despite whatever challenges there are in my way. Because being able to find those ways also means that I have hope in the idea that ways are, themselves, out there, somewhere.
Whew! There you go. I now ask you to think about it, yourself. Those are some pretty amazing questions, and I wonder what you could answer? You can share them in the comments, in the comments of the FB page, or maybe just write them in a journal. Because making it an actual, physical process draws it out of you in a way just thinking about it doesn't. And besides, I just threw myself out there, so what can you do to follow the positive nudges of your heart?
Better days ahead, my friends.
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