Well, here it is, a new week, all over again. Doesn't matter what the last one was; this new one will have it's own potential. So I guess we'd best get on with it, hmm?
I'm just going to admit it: this week's quote and discussion made me tear up, when I read it. Christine's really got some great insights, and I have to give it to her; she's a pro for a reason!
The thing about her topic for week 7, is that...well...I'm just going to blame it on having had a really rough week (yeah, things didn't end up going so well), and a series of unfortunate events that have added up to having this post be a bit harder than I find comfortable. I can't really head into the new week, having been unable to at least begin to sort through the emotional mess of this past one. That's just how I roll.
"A man is not where he lives,
but where he loves."
~ Latin Proverb
"What can you do to show your loves that you are with them?" She asks.
This happens to be a subject of some weight in my heart. I think I've mentioned before, that I've not been as fortunate as many who were born into families in which they fit in and felt welcome. Therefore, having learned early on that family is not about to whom you are born, but with whom you share love, caring, concern and acceptance, gave me a way to create a family for myself, that fit my circumstances.
A number of years back, a friend of mine from New Zealand gave me a sweet compliment in the form of a gift; a word: whanau. Pronounced like, "fah-know", this Maori word basically means "extended family, whether through birth, marriage or choice". She told me I was her "whanau sister", and that I now had a word for all of those chosen family I've gathered over the course of my lifetime. This gift was one of the most beautiful treasures anyone has ever given me, and to this day I hold it very close to my heart.
Back around 2003 (shortly before I came to know that sweet sister-friend, actually), I began to experience connection to the internet in earnest. Life moved us about an hour from where we grew up, and while not as far as the other side of the continent or even world, it may as well have been, as far removed as we've felt from the family we did have, with whom we felt close. Being one of those people for whom social connection is vital nourishment, I found this very hard to take, and began making friends via focus groups online.
This introduction to people who could connect from across the world, broadened my horizons and taught me a great deal about the world, in general. As time has moved on, I have also continued to move forward, meeting new friends and forging new bonds, learning things I never would have had the opportunity to know, had I remained in the community in which I'd been raised. I realized I grew up in an incredibly sheltered area, and now am amazed at how that shelter continues to survive, despite the changes around it.
But that's another topic for another day, I think. Where was I? Oh yes...
And now, more than a decade later, I've developed quite an extensive - and frankly, impressive - family. I have whanau on every continent of the world, and am so, so very grateful for each of them! They have given my life a sense of fullness and connection my heart never believed I could ever enjoy. They are my family, whether they live down the street, within the state, across the country or around the world; most I've never met in person, and yet many I know as deeply as any close friends ever could.
So the idea that I am not where my body lives but where my heart loves...is an incredible thing to consider! I love all over the world, which makes me equal to any of the richest people on earth, who could buy up a house anywhere on the planet, for their price. In that way, I am very fortunate, indeed.
On the other hand, I also then have nights like the one on which this post was actually written (yeah, I don't always write them on Monday...go figure). Nights when I scroll down my personal Newsfeed on one of the popular social media sites, to see glimpses of the lives some of these loved ones are living. Unfortunately, one of the shortcomings of technology is that people expect their contacts to see and know everything they post, which can cause a number of issues.
Tonight, I saw glimpses of some incredibly intense, painful events that have happened to a number of my loved ones...and finally, I have come to my answer to the original question:
"What can you do to show your loves that you are with them?"
When you find yourself trapped behind a screen, what more can one give, but words? Sure, images and videos and whatnot, but when it boils down...words. That's it. That's all I can give to those whom I wish I could just embrace and take away at least a small portion of some of that horrific pain!
And...what if the best gift would be being with them, in silence? What does that seem to be, in a medium where words are all that I have to offer? It looks like I'm ignoring them! What then? Point out that I'm giving them silence? Ugh!
"What can you do to show your loves that you are with them?"
All I can do is...
I try to simply say, in whatever words I feel I can:
I love you. I love you, and I'm out here, somewhere, and I care. You matter, and my love and hope go with you. I can't do more than tell you, but it means a lot to me, that you know that. That, and that if I can do more, I want to be given the opportunity to try!
So there you go. My habitually-wordy, incredibly-complex answer to a relatively simple question.
Maybe when I miraculously find a way to physically be in all the places I wish I could be, to be with whanau who mean the world to me, my heart will be a bit more at peace, and I'll feel I fit in just a bit more, with this big world, and not just in the love, joy and anguish thereof.
Better days ahead, my friends.
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