This post has had a bit of a slow start. I normally have the majority of the thing done by Sunday, but honestly, I guess this week has been listening to the chosen quote, because while I've worked on it, I've had to restart more than once, and I've just not felt that what I've tried to say was "right". So... here we go again. Let's hope it's a bit more fitting than I've felt, up til now!
It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop.
~ Confucius
Ever feel like, no matter how hard you try, you just can't get things in your life to move fast enough to get everything you want to get done, finished? Or perhaps you are having to face the fact that your body is not moving as well/fast as it has in the past, and therefore things that you used to be able to do, you can no longer do? Maybe you carefully considered some new resolutions/goals, and you just don't see yourself where you thought you'd be, by now? It could be that you feel like you've waited too long to do what you always dreamed of doing, and it feels like it's too late, or that the challenge of achieving those dreams seems so much more overwhelming than they were, years ago?
Believe me, I can identify with your situation,
even if I don't know the context of your experience.
There are so many reasons I can identify with each of these, and others, too.
Maybe this is our wake-up call to reconsider things in a new light?
I think the reason we consider that time moves the way it does, is because things change. We are born these itty bitty beings, unable to do much more than sleep, eat and fill unbelievable amounts of diapers. We grow, we learn, and we develop into larger, more capable beings, accepting the environment we are given because that is all we've ever known, and our brains process things accordingly. Eventually we grow to the point our bodies will no longer grow in size, and that is called "adulthood", more or less.
We may continue to learn as we experience this cognitive condition we call "life", and as things change, we mark those changes as time. We have learned, through what we have been taught, that there are rules for each age we reach, and as adults, there are specific rules regarding what we need to do, such as find a mate, reproduce, and provide for the needs of ourselves, our mates, and the itty bitty beings who may or may not come into our lives much the same way as we entered our own experience. We might adopt other animals, which we learn we must provide things for their benefit, as well. We are taught various means of achieving the ability to provide, and we make choices regarding how we accomplish it.
Eventually, there comes a time when we begin to ponder our life experience, perhaps reviewing what we've had and wondering about the future. We might consider what we have, and realize we want more of *something*, and sometimes we're not sure what that something is. We might gather objects that we think will give us more status or meaning, or we achieve goals that provide us with status specific to those accomplishments. If we have itty bitty beings who are growing, learning, and developing under our care, we could help them accomplish things that provide them with status, which may or may not also increase our own sense of status/worth, or allow us to feel a sort of accomplishment through association.
Then what?
Are we fortunate enough to feel like this is enough?
If so, we live a wonderful existence, and need to remember to be grateful!
A wonderful existence, but not always common.
There comes a time in life when things start to slow down. For some, it doesn't happen til their bodies have lived long enough to have reached beyond maturity and into what some call "over the hill". For others, it happens much, much earlier, through some kind of life experience that dramatically alters the expected pattern of life. Either way, there comes a time in that process wherein a change of thought and emotion develops, and it must be faced. For many, if not most or even all, a major part of this change is referred to as "grief", and it is as real a process as losing a beloved someone from our lives.
So what do we do when something happens and we must face that grief? How do we face our inability to do what we want to do? How do we deal with the loss of something that we had, but which has been lost due to health, injury or other means? How do we move on, and keep moving?
It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop.
In my own experience, I have had to face unexpected challenges to my health, physical and mental, that have been wearing my body, mind and psyche down, slowly but definitely. I understand the demands that come with having to not only face the actual symptoms of illness, but then having to battle the grief that comes with it. It can come so quickly and powerfully I am momentarily overwhelmed with it; it can also come so gently that I barely sense the melancholy that settles over me like frost on grass. Let's face it: no matter what one grieves, grief is weird.
And also in my experience, I have had to learn how to balance loss with gains. While I have lost many of my former abilities, I have also gained perspective, empathy, and strength in areas I had not expected. In being unable to live a "normal" life, I have found ways to experience an unusual life, in ways that have benefited others as well as myself. The internet, for example, has been a priceless tool for helping me connect with people who have become not only friends, but "whanau". Many of those I've "met" through the 'net have given me such a different perspective of the world, and have enriched my understanding of the ways humans interact on a global scale! They have taught me various ways of experiencing life, love, and so many other things that I never could have had if I had been just going along, leading the life I had expected.
The past, few years, I've had to learn how to go slower. I now tease by saying I'm "lazy, but efficient". I have been learning ways to stretch tasks, for example, so that while I used to just attack a job and get it done - even multitask like a pro - I must now break it down into steps so that over time, they get done, while allowing me to retain my ability to manage my strength and energy.
For instance...
I keep a spray bottle with cleaner I made (equal parts vinegar heated but not to boiling, Dawn original dish detergent, and water, give or take the water as desired), and I spray it on the surfaces needing cleaned, such as a sink. I may only have energy to do that much, so I leave it with apologies for the fantastic, residual scent of vinegar! When I come back through, I then take a cloth and wipe the surface down, which has had the chance to dissolve hard water and any oil that may have been present, leaving the sink clean and a job accomplished! In this way, I manage to get at least a few things done myself, and that helps my mindset.
I think this is along the lines of how Confucius must have seen this idea. If we give in to the thoughts like: "What's the point?", "I'll never get there, now", "So much for ever being worth anything"... and so on, we're going to be living self-fulfilling prophecies of our own making! But if we commit to even just trying; taking one moment at a time, and choosing in that moment to make something of it that is more, and maybe even better, than before, then we have already won in that moment. After that, it is simply a matter of continuing to choose to try, rather than to give up. It takes me literally seconds to spray that sink, and then later just seconds to wipe it clean, but that minute it took to accomplish that small feat is enough to have made my household's world a little bit better.
We can do this, my friends. Whatever our circumstances, whether healthy and strong, or frail and weak, we have the ability to make something of them. Our choices in each moment, no matter how slow the progress, can keep moving us forward to something greater, if we so choose. I believe in us, and I have confidence that together, our small steps can amount to incredible, and amazing things!
Better days ahead, my friends!
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