Abilities and The Fluidity of Life

Today, my thoughts are on abilities.  Rather, on how abilities range depending on different factors, like whether or not one is tired, or in some form of pain, or having had some type of damage.  Everyone has various abilities, and many are dependent on such factors, and each person's range is different than others' might be.

So today, I thought I'd sit down and explore that a bit.

I never, really thought about abilities, until I had to deal with different levels of disability.  Sure, growing up there was always the pressure to learn in school and pass tests, at which I often excelled, and pressure to learn skills in myriad areas, especially as I got older and the variety of educational and performance opportunities changed and developed.

I was never much of a sports kind of gal.  I enjoyed swimming, loved watching my friends play sports, and oh, how I wished I could dance as I watched my friends move so gracefully across the floor!  As I got to college, I took ballroom, yoga, a bit of tae kwon do, karate and tai chi, all of which I absolutely loved.  I suppose one could argue that playing in musicals and active music groups through school and college might qualify, too.  In my late 20s and 30s I have found a love of hiking and other outdoor activities.

However, as my love of physical activity has grown and changed, I have begun to notice strange effects.  I'll spare you the huge list of problems, but basically, my body has begun to fight itself, and I get to experience the side effects of the war.  I experience myriad types of chronic pain, especially in cold; have to balance severe dietary and other restrictions; and must also continually struggle as my body atrophies very quickly and is very easily damaged.  Add that to other matters such as Bipolar Disorder, and there are times I'm just a right mess!

Having explained all that, I suppose my point was that, in my thinking about abilities and the loss or lack thereof, I realize that each day provides a different set of circumstances for me.  Some days, I'm full of energy and upbeat about life, and can get things done a bit at a time.  Other days, I'm carrying around lead weights in a fog with storm clouds following me over my head.  I can never know how each day will present itself, and sometimes it will change and what appeared to be one kind of day will change into something different by the end of it.

I started this blog as a means of reaching out to those who suffer in some way: body, mind and/or heart/spirit.  I must admit it is proving difficult to open myself to the challenge, as I find sharing the vulnerable parts of me is a very frightening pursuit.  I've not even attempted to promote this blog yet.  Admitting my growing weaknesses and sharing my pains and humiliations is something I've struggled to accomplish, so I hope the reader - especially the reader who personally knows me - will be gentle with what I offer here.  Perhaps as time goes on, I'll become more brave and be more consistent in my ability to hopefully inspire someone to go on, as others have done the same for me.

Until next time, try to be gentle with yourself.