Perhaps It's Time to Find a Way to Build a Boat!

        I must admit... I have lost track of how many times I've tried to start a post, here.  It's not that I'm *that much* of a perfectionist (though I probably am).  There is no reputation that needs to be upheld, either.  I just couldn't figure out what I was really trying to say, and so for a while I gave up on it, to let it kind of stew in my mind.

        Let's see what my mind found, hmm?

        I woke up rather "early", having had relatively little sleep.  This is a common thing, but even still, it isn't the most pleasant way to start the day.  I decided to start a post, as I've been trying to do for a while now, but found that my post was really just a grump fest, and there's no need for that, here...since that isn't really the point of this whole thing.

        Having deleted that post, the next post had more of a whine-esque flair.  Clearly, my mind wasn't on the *warm-fuzzies* in life!  Once I realized that this was where my head was, I pretty much just gave up on the idea and decided to try taking a shower.  Who doesn't feel better after a shower, even if the endeavor is a challenge?

        So, though my body was informing me in no uncertain terms, that it did not appreciate my blatant disregard for its issues, my mind stewed on the prospect of a post, and it actually did come up with something that made sense.  And since I've just remembered what it is, you can actually share in the realization!  Who'd a thunk it?

        There was an image I shared on the Project Facebook page last night, that said,

"Sometimes we’re tested. 

Not to show our weaknesses, but to discover our strengths."  

        That kind of hit me in a different sort of way.  It's not that I've never heard anything like it - believe me, I've heard more cliches than I ever care to repeat!  But I guess this is one of those times when that kind of thing happens to land in a spot that it's needed.  In other words, it has made me think, even hours later.

        As I ponder the idea, I realize that lately I've been feeling like I have never felt so weak as I have this past, little while, and I cannot remember a time when not only did I feel hopeless, but the situation actually looked as hopeless as I felt.  I am not a person who has a particularly easy time with defeat - clearly, having lived this long, I don't give up if at all possible.  And I'm not saying that I am considering giving up... I guess I'm just feeling an exhaustion that extends beyond physical, mental and emotional fatigue.  Is there such thing as situational fatigue?

        There have certainly been many times in my life when I've struggled with one thing or another.  There have been at least a few times when I've fallen to my proverbial (and/or literal) knees, crying out, "No more!"  Admitting this is kind of embarrassing, mostly because I'm not saying it to have you say, "Aww, it will be okay!" or the like.  I'm saying it because it's true, and I've made the goal of being honest here, because there are those out there who have needed someone to be so honest (and even some who have told me so).

        On the other hand, I would imagine there are those who look at me and scoff, or even roll their eyes, saying, "You have no idea what a tough life is!"  And I'm not saying that mine is the toughest life out there.  Believe me, I know people who leave me in awe at how they could possibly continue on, when they live every moment in one form of torture or another!  That isn't the point.  I believe we all experience our life's pain at 100%, and so therefore it doesn't matter how relatively weak/extreme my life is to anyone else's.  If I am so weak that my little troubles are silly in relation, then that only reinforces my point, here.

"Sometimes we’re tested. 

Not to show our weaknesses, but to discover our strengths."

        I realized, as I lay here, pondering this idea, that I am one of those people who, when faced with *yet another* challenge, I have developed the habit of automatically beginning to look at however I'm going to get past, or over, or through it.  When it feels like I'm just taking a step forward so I can be smacked sideways, I don't seem to have the ability to just lay there and accept defeat.

        I think that is the point of that statement about being tested.  It's not about what hits you; it's about what you do about it.  And I guess one of my strengths, if I'm going to be honest, is simply being able to survive.  Though...if you really think about it...all of us have a 100% track record of survival, so we all could say that much.  If we didn't, we wouldn't be here, would we?  So I guess that's one place to start.

        It's difficult for me to focus on my strengths.  That seems to be something that a lot of people, especially in the culture in which I grew up, struggle to balance.  This is a shame, because in reality, if we are able to realize our assets, we can use them to counteract the challenges we face along the way!  If you don't know you have tools, materials and skills, you cannot build a bridge!  So there is nothing wrong with realizing and acknowledging your strengths, as long as you use them to produce positive and appropriate means of success.

        So, perhaps the point of this post is that it is simply an opportunity for me to work on trying to focus on the positive, hopeful things, and less on the challenges and weaknesses I feel weighing me down.  If I find myself unable to swim, perhaps it's time to find a way to build a boat.

        I could really use some help, here.  Do you have things that you have found, that give you strength, that come from within you?  I know that most people find strength through their loving relationships, but this is something different.  Do you know what can be found within us, that can be used to continue forward when the path just seems to much to endure?  Because when all is said and done, the greatest of our strength comes from within.

        If you have things you'd like to share, not just with me but with others along the way, it would be great if you would either put them in the comments below or on the Facebook page.  I honestly believe that the only way we're going to make it to the point we can look back on our life with wonder at how far we've come, is to help teach each other what we've learned along the way.

        And thank you, by the way.  Those of you who have joined me on this journey, or have been with me from the first, I am very grateful for your loving support.  What a gift it is to know that others have things they have wished to share, too.  Because we really are in this together.

        Better day tomorrow, my friends.

**Update: Blogger hasn't been very kind to me, with regard to responding to comments, so if you'd like to contact me, feel free to do so via the PB Community Facebook Page, or at thephoenixandthebutterfly@gmail.com Thanks for reading!**