Perhaps a Step Toward Reason?

        The other day, I came across a blog post called, "Everything Doesn't Happen For A Reason", by Tim Laurence, shared on Facebook by the Page, "A Beautiful Mess Inside".  It was so powerful, at the time in my miserably-insomniac state, I was overcome by tears and, "Yes!!!" moments.  It had me immediately signing up for his e-newsletters, because as Gayle at that Page said, "I want to read everything he has ever written".

        I had never heard of Mr Laurence, previously.  One wonderful thing about the PB Project, is being able to come to know of many, amazing writers and creators, more aware of them because of my desire to contribute something positive to their field, myself.  I don't really consider myself on par with these phenomenal individuals, for a variety of reasons, but I do strive to do what I can to assist in their efforts.  His next post, included the e-newsletter I received, was also beautiful.

        Anyway, when I read these posts, I couldn't help but be moved by his raw, open, vulnerable honesty.  I've said before, I've always wanted to let my experience in life have a chance to help others; my courage has been very limited, however.  There are rules I keep, for instance, such as allowing the privacy of others to be respected, and so on.  The PB journey is mine, to only be shared with those who choose to join me, and some things just don't need to be shared.  But I've felt all along that there are parts of myself, my life, and my heart, which might be of positive and constructive use and/or benefit to others, and so deciding the balance has been challenging, especially as I'm actually a rather private and relatively introverted person, by nature.

Talk about a dichotomy, hmm?

        And yet, I read the words of Mr Lawrence, and felt as moved as so many others, and nudged onward, as though something within me continues to urge me to be brave.  There is much to be said about following those little nudges, after all, regardless of the source from which you feel they come.  And the intensity and urgency of the feeling is almost disorienting, for me.

        Do you ever feel the ticking of an invisible clock?  As in, the one which determines the time remaining for the patterns and abilities of our lives?  Do you feel that sense of warning, reminding you that life is short, quick and every moment precious, with each choice possibly a priceless offering to the world, as our legacy?  Not so much as macabre as it might sound, but a chance to recognize a sense of our own potential?

        I think that the feeling has grown within me, the more my physical, mental and emotional challenges embrace me.  At times, at best, I feel inspired to press onward to make each moment count!  At others, my best is just to keep from feeling overwhelmed by what feels like the hopelessness of it all!

        And I know there are others who might have felt something similar, which drives me toward hope in the stronger moments, and keeps me hoping for hope in the weaker ones.  I'd assume this continual shifting and swinging of the pendulum is thanks to being caught up in Bipolar Disorder II, but I think the BP is only part of it.  I actually think it also has simply to do with the effects of life's circumstances, inclucing chronic illness/pain and its many facets.  After all, some days are easier than others, all-around, and that is true for everyone, really.  It just so happens that my combination makes navigating the ups and downs a bit more tricky and turbulent.

        So, what of this feeling of urgent pressure to be brave, open and vulnerable, like so many whose stories I've read in my search to be helpful to the world?  How can I be so engaging with you, as we walk together on this crazy journey we call Life?  What might I possibly have to offer you, to help make your path a little easier and your heart feel a little less alone?

        Maybe you could tell me, my friends?  Maybe in the comments below, or on the PB Project Facebook Page?  Or even email works, too, at thephoenixandthebutterfly@gmail.com.  What would help you, in some way, which might also benefit others, too?  This life has so many opportunities for learning, gaining wisdom and growth, and how better than to share what we already have, with each other?  Just wondering about your thoughts.

        Perhaps this post didn't really say much to you, this week, but it does mark a moment of a choice to begin a new step toward change and hopefully transformation.  We'll have to see what comes of it, hmm?  Hopefully, together?

        Better days ahead, my friends!