Ashes of the Past and Moving Forward

        This is one of those posts gleaned from something I'd shared elsewhere this past week, which got me thinking, and I thought I'd share the insights here, too.  I guess it mattered enough to me that I keep it around to look at and read it later.  So, here you are to read, too, if you like.

        As I was looking for some posts to share to the PB Community Facebook Page, I came across one shared to the Steve Maraboli Page, and it really struck a chord which resonated with me.  The text said:

One day it just clicks...

You realize what's important and what isn't.  You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself.

You realize how far you've come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that they'd never recover.

And then you smile.  You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you've fought to become.

         

        This is what fell out of my head, into my fingers, and out onto the screen when I saw that:

        This was the year it clicked, for me, and just recently, too.  All the voices of the past, present, and future have been having debates in my head and heart for my entire life; and suddenly, my hand was raised, the voices went quiet, and I realized, it's MY time to talk!  

        I'd sat there, suffering but silent, for too many years, wondering in fear about the potentials that were inside the choices I longed to make.  I'd see posts like this and sometimes tear up, wishing with all my heart I could come to this mental and emotional place.

        Maybe it's the battery of symptoms/diagnostics/diagnoses of the past, several years, and realizing how life and death really start to feel when you really start to feel them?  

         Or the realizations about life that came about through the choices and consequences of myself and those around me?  

       Or maybe just reaching an age when the BS of life starts to get old and I'm FINALLY coming into my own?

        I recently made some choices that basically kicked down the proverbial embers of already burning, or burned-out bridges, within me and through action.  I hadn't even come to the point of realizing they were already burned by the time it clicked!  They weren't loud choices, and those others involved probably won't even know they happened.  And that's okay, because I've reached the point when I don't have to create a war just to create emancipation from my inner demons: I just have to create my own belief that I can do it, and then choose to follow through.  The rest takes care of itself.  They were going down anyway, and I'm evidently strong enough to stand practically alone amidst the ashes of my own delusions that I can't go on without them there.

        My friends, I hope we can help get you to that place for yourself, if you're not there yet.  Because you know what?  I've NEVER been SO PROUD OF MYSELF, even in the midst of all the chaos and breaking down of so many, various facets of my life.  I'm now realizing I'm free to build new ones with better skills and with higher quality, because I know myself better and can make those choices for myself.  I still have a lot left to do, but the point is that the click happened, and for me it was the turning point.

        Not only do I believe in us, my friends; not only do I think we're worth it; pardon the language, but: I think it's about, damned time!

        I'm not who/where I want to be, yet.  But I'm not done yet, either.  So I suppose all this tells me that as long as I'm moving forward, the past is simply a demonstration of what growth, strength, courage, and hope look like, and a reminder that I've survived 100% of the things that have tried to kill me so far, and again, I'm not done yet.  I can only hope that when all is said and done, I'll have become a person I can be proud to call my own.  

        Better days ahead, my friends!