So...today is another day. Some of the same challenges remain from yesterday, and the fact is, some will carry over into tomorrow. Some will even stay with us the rest of our lives.
This is another of the not light nor *warm-fuzzy* posts, but it is one that I feel needs to be said. Hopefully we'll be able to return to those relatively soon, though! In fact, I've not even a quote this week, but that's more because I'm tired and don't want to search for one that fits, than that there isn't one out there. Pardon my swerving from habit. ;)
I'm going to repeat what I said at the beginning. Today is another day. Some of the same challenges remain from yesterday, and the fact is, some will carry over into tomorrow. Some will even stay with us the rest of our lives.
A friend has taught me what taking life a day at a time really means. Bravely battling forms of alcoholism and addiction, he told me he can't look beyond today, into the distant future, because sometimes it would be too much to bear. In treatment he learned to take one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, and I have witnessed him do that, every day, for years. He is one of my greatest examples of loving and mindful living, even if he has had to make it a practice out of necessity - in some ways, that has been an even stronger example, because while he could just let go and give in, he does his best to continue accepting that challenge as best he can, because he has chosen that his life and those in it mean more to him than the addiction, which makes all the difference.
At the moment, another friend faces the greatest gauntlet of his significantly-difficult lifetime - a long time illness he has begun to feel he won't outlast - and I'm forced to realize just how quickly this life passes us by, and how important it is to be continually careful to make sure to express love, gratitude and support to those who matter to us. I have watched this man as he has bravely fought each battle life has thrown at him, and tried to maintain some form of grace, dignity and empathy in the process, despite how difficult it can be to do that in so many situations. When we came to know each other, I was still relatively healthy, and as I've begun to face my own illness, I've been grateful for his teaching me that there are no comparisons, understanding we all face our own pains and heartaches at their greatest extremes. His ability to care about others, even in barely-endurable pain and feelings of isolation, has inspired and taught me a great deal about how I want to face my own version of these things.
Another friend has taught me what it means to not give up, despite times when she must step back from life to allow her mind and body to recover from even everyday strains and stresses, for sometimes weeks at a time. I've seen her battle inner turmoils as she fights to establish a life for herself, in whatever form it takes, for her. Her body and mind have taken some turns which have forced her to let go of many dreams and hopes, and yet she continually finds ways to create good and productive things within the bounds of the life she has. Though her life is not what she wants it to be, she touches countless, other lives, simply by being herself, and has inspired and helped me grow through my own challenges and shortfalls, too. I have been a grateful beneficiary of her love and kindness, which has helped change my life for good.
And there is another whose friendship I've carried for many years, and it has pulled us both through some of the most devastating and painful experiences of our lives. Because of circumstances only partially in his control, choices were made that resulted in his being trapped in consequences which will keep him captive for the rest of his life. Every day those consequences haunt him, and he grieves the losses that came from them. He wishes with all his heart that he could make more of his life than what he feels is within his grasp, and yet I see him doing good that he himself cannot in the darkness of his view. Each day, in simple and ordinary interactions, he influences those around him in beautiful ways, sharing his inherent light and loving nature in ways he cannot even see, but that create rippling effects of positive outcomes for others. His example of creating goodness within a bad situation has taught me that hope is possible for anyone, anywhere, if they are willing to keep moving forward and not give up.
I have been very fortunate to know many, such people, whose hearts, minds, personalities and other traits have taught me that there is so much more to life than what it seems in its most shallow views. There is no way to thank them enough for all they have given me, and I can only hope to help inspire others through their influence on my life.
As I get older, and the weight of issues I drag around feels more daunting (as most seem to do), I've come to understand these things in other ways, too. Life isn't about where we end up, nor what we end up having done nor accomplished, in general; life is about what we choose to make of what we have, right in this moment, right now. Each choice in the moment called "the present" is the only one that matters, because it is the only decision we can make. The only moment we actively affect is the one we are now living.
It wasn't until relatively recently that I began to understand this idea. Each day, it makes more sense. Why? Because I'm learning that I have no idea how long I'll be here, nor how long I'll have the means to do what I want with all my heart to do - none of us know that, for ourselves nor for others. I've started feeling this growing sense of urgency to get things done, move forward, and do all I can to accomplish whatever I can. I grew up with ill, aging parents and many people who died along the way, and so this isn't a new idea for me, but it is a new kind of realization, and one that resonates with my heart.
Why is it we put things off, even when they are things we want more than anything else to do?
Why do we procrastinate the most important things,
and prioritize against those things and people who mean the most to us?
Why is it that our lives become more about the rut,
or escaping the rut in whatever way possible,
than fulfilling the greatest dreams, wishes, and goals we have imagined in our lifetimes?
or escaping the rut in whatever way possible,
than fulfilling the greatest dreams, wishes, and goals we have imagined in our lifetimes?
Why do we sometimes come to hate and resent our choices,
and the consequences thereof,
rather than work toward making more of them than what they seem?
Why do we not realize that we have it within us
to significantly affect the world in ways which make us happy and fulfilled,
and instead focus on what we think is all there is?
Why do we settle for misery, when we can create joy?
Why do we not realize how quickly things can change,
and those things we didn't realize were important
suddenly become our greatest sources of regret and heartache, through the loss of them?
Now, just so you know, I'm not really full of doom and gloom, here. This is not a light and easy post, but since I've been delving into some deep topics lately, and this one has been another I've been sort of procrastinating over time, I thought it fitting that I just jump in. I've had too many reminders this past week of how vital these thoughts are to understand, and so in the process of comprehending them, myself, I share my processing with you. Perhaps you are in need of it, too? I kind of go with the content of my head and heart at the time, when I share, here, so you are often subjected to seeing inside my mind. But you've read this far, so clearly you are fairly brave!
My friends, we are worth creating, working toward, and achieving dreams and goals, for ourselves and for our lives. Life is too short to spend it hating the living of it. We don't have to abandon everything in order to create more joy in them, because we still take ourselves with us, no matter where we go. We just need to learn how to create that joy, wherever we are and in whatever circumstances we find ourselves.
I would love to know what you think about these things. I've learned through comments here and at the PB Facebook Community Page, the insights of my readers are phenomenal and wise, and often think of things that I have not, which teaches and inspires me whenever they are given. So please, if you would like, it would be wonderful to have you share. That is actually the point, after all.
Better days ahead, my friends!
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