The Genuine Troubles of Heartaches and Battle Scars

        The premise of the PB Project has been, from the very beginning, that we all have our own challenges, and yet we all have commonalities in our experience.  Love, joy, fear, heartache, pain; all the emotions, thoughts, vulnerabilities and quirks that make us human, may be somewhat different in details, but make us all similar in one way or another.  Even when we are strangers to one another, we have bits and pieces that can connect us and help us feel a part of something bigger.  Our hearts yearn for this, as humans are communal creatures for a reason.  It is in our DNA to crave the safety and security that can come from being connected to other people.

No one is without troubles, without personal hardships and genuine challenges. That fact may not be obvious because most people don't advertise their woes and heartaches. But nobody, not even the purest heart, escapes life without suffering battle scars.

~ Richelle E. Goodrich

        I've been trying to approach this topic for some time.  I keep writing drafts and then deleting half of it, and then rereading, only to cast the entire thing aside and trying to find something else.  For some reason this is just a really difficult one for me to tackle, and yet I really feel like it's important for me to say - oh, something.  Anything.  Preferably meaningful and on point.

        Let's see if I can accomplish it.  Whatever it is.

        Previously, I've discussed a few mental and physical problems I've had over time.  You'd probably not believe that I'm actually a rather private person, and to share these things is difficult and gives me a fair bit of anxiety.  But as this quote relates, we need to talk about things like this.  We need to share with each other that we have these challenges, and that we are all in this life together, and none of us escapes life without suffering battle scars.  We need to know we are not alone.  Because one thing that seems to come along with facing sometimes uncommon or even rare issues, is a sense of isolation and despair, feeling as though no one really understands and no one can truly help us feel their empathy, because they don't know what it is like to experience it.

        I could fill a few paragraphs telling you about just my diagnoses, and trying to explain them.  However, that isn't exactly what I'm here to do.  In fact, I've a different point entirely.

        If you didn't see me hobbling with "Watson", my cane; or in the electric shopping cart at a store; didn't see how many boxes, bottles, and dispensers of meds I have to take various times a day; didn't see my specialized blender to puree all my foods into liquids; didn't see the preparations I keep just in case someone invites us out, somewhere; didn't see how my sugar dropping can suddenly make me very sick and "out of it"; didn't see me in the form of various flares of autoimmune diseases; didn't see me fall apart at what you might think was a simple or non-existent reason; didn't see how my moods and perceptions can change depending on the circumstances of any given moment, in any particular day...etc....you would never guess that I had much of anything wrong, at all.  People don't always have a lot of hair and might have thin skin, and if people don't sleep well, they will be pale and have darkened circles under their eyes.  Chances are, you wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary, except I usually seem a bit tired.  Interacting with me online, you see even less.

        I guess what I'm trying to say, here, is that we often have no idea what is going on inside the life of the people we see around us.  For instance:

• The smiling person who gives you a cheerful hello every day, or who always smiles perfectly in pictures, might actually be battling deep depression, but learned early how to pretend everything is perfect, in self-preservation.  
• The person whom you think is a self-centered jerk may have recently sustained a huge, personal loss and is doing their best to cope in order to keep their world afloat, while feeling like just breathing is a monumental task, in itself.  
• The person to whom you say hello but who offends you by never returning the greeting might be suffering from the effects of abuse and/or PTSD, and is afraid of anyone and everyone. 
• The person who shrinks from, or acts strange around, your children might have lost a child in some way, and is doing their best to cope with the pain, but seeing babies or children might just be more than they can bear right now.  
• The person who snaps at you in response to something benign or gently teasing might be enduring intense, chronic pain, and trying to interpret the words and behaviors of others could simply be beyond their ability to maintain equilibrium.

And people around you might have no clue how you feel, think,

nor anything you are trying to handle in your world -

partly because you are afraid to let them know.

        I think my emotional reaction to sharing this stuff is exactly the point of this whole thing, though: why should I be afraid of admitting that I have weakness, as a member of a species which survives by creating family and community units held together by love and mutual respect?  Or at least mutual need for safety and security?

        So, the foundation of the PB Project stands.  You, readers, do not need to feel afraid of being alone in whatever you're facing.  Why?  Because no one is without troubles, without personal hardships and genuine challenges.  There are no comparisons, because we each and all face things in our lives that try us to our greatest extent and demand nothing but our all to endure and conquer.  Perhaps not all the time, but at least at some point over the course of a lifetime.  We aren't alone, because we're all in this life together, and it's a lot easier when we're not trying to face it all alone.

        Maybe that will help us avoid a battle scar, or two, or at least help soothe a few.

        Better days ahead, my friends!