"I don't know why this is affecting me so much."
"It's silly, but for some reason I just can't shake it."
"There is no reason I should feel so sad."
"Surely nobody feels this way."
"I'm so embarrassed. I feel so weak."
"I don't understand. It's not like it's that big a deal."
"Really, I just need to shake it off."
"Will I ever get over it?"
Have you ever had the opportunity to look back on things in your life that you once had or were, that you have lost somewhere along the way? I'm not talking about the pair of roller skates you got for Christmas that year you were taking lessons, or even the drawings you did in school. I mean those abilities and traits that allowed you to be the person you identified as your Self.
In other words, have you ever sensed that somewhere along the way, something happened that changed how you think of yourself, or that identified you, to yourself, as you?
Maybe you were:
"smart", "strong", "talented", "fast", "happy",
"dancer", "musician", "parent", "doctor", "driver", "achiever",
"the best", "the one who always overcomes"...
...labels that you felt were part of who you were at one point,
but that something along the way changed things.
I suppose the realization that it is a rather common thing to experience might be a comfort or consolation, because experiencing such an event or events can be rather disorienting. One thing I have experienced personally, and have witnessed in others along the path of my life, is that when one loses something that clearly meant we were who we were, there is a period of grieving.
So now it's out there for you.
It's not something to feel you must hide.
In fact, by being honest about your experience with others,
despite their reactions,
you open the way for others to feel safer
in reaching out for help, if need be, too.
We all grieve, and it isn't all about a person lost to death. It can be something like a lost job, a split up in a relationship, or an accident/illness that left you unable to function to the level you did before. It can be anything that meant something to you, that you lose in some form.
You will grieve it,
and allowing that grief to flow through you
will allow it to flow out of you.
Pardon the following, rather graphic example of mine.
Grief is like getting splinters from running skin over old wood, or like road rash: there will be a period of first aid, at which shock and immediate treatment will pass and the wounds will appear to be healing. But if the wounds are not cleaned completely, there will be pieces of foreign objects that remain.
Over time, if these are not properly removed, then the body (and the mind) will attempt to deal with it however it can. This usually results in infection, which creates increasingly worsening issues, until the situation must be treated or it can result in severe impairment, and possibly, even death. These kinds of issues need the help of those who can lovingly assist us; often someone specially trained in such things.
Wounds deep enough, and severe enough, will likely leave scarring, especially if made to wait to such an extreme point. But scars are not something to embarrass us, but to demonstrate our ability to overcome. When we are truly healed, our scars will only remind us that we have allowed the pain to be vented and the wounds are no longer a danger to us.
Anyway, I guess this was just something I need to process, as it remains on my mind. Feel free to offer your comments below, because we all benefit when we share our common journeys.
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