All I Wanted...was to Say Thank You! ...And Then Some!

        Since I'm a bit slow and behind on this personal challenge thing, I'm going to take it a bit differently than I would have, if topics such as the one I've here are actually, kind of comically lagged behind their intent - I'm beginning to write this post Christmas night!

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. 

If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."

~ Oprah Winfrey

Can you make a Christmas Thankful List this year?

        I suppose I could simply say, "Sure I can! After all, we just had Christmas, so all is ready to list!"

        However...that kinda doesn't fit what Christine was actually trying to say - I'm pretty sure, anyway, and I'm kinda iffy on the Christmas thing, as it is, since we aren't big celebrators of, really, much of anything, in our home.  But I'm a big proponent of gratitude, though, so I'm going to cover some things for which I'm grateful, my way. Improvisation is a useful skill, kids!

• I'm grateful for the people and things that make me smile and laugh. I must admit that I'm not very good at seeking out things that do it, though.  My pragmatic nature, while it can be warm and loving, and even amusing at times, tends to be a bit somber in the normal swing of things.  And when my misfiring brain sends a memo saying I'm doomed and nothing will ever be "okay" again, the people who can make me smile are priceless.
  
  I've one friend, for instance, who has always been able to make me smile within minutes of the beginning of a conversation, and even laugh by the end of it, even after starting out discussing things that couldn't possibly be more opposite of smiles and laughter!  That kind of thing just doesn't come along, every day!
  
• I'm grateful for the things that make me cry.  This can include a lot of different kinds of tear shedding, of course.  There are a lot of reasons one could cry: happy tears; sadness; anger; emotional catharsis; injury; frustration; empathy...I was taught, once upon a time, that people who are lost at sea, or in a desert, or are otherwise stuck in a situation in which the body is dehydrated to the point of near-death, will still be able to shed tears when rescued!
  
  So what do these things have in common, other than that they are great reasons to cry?  Well, they are powerful emotions, full of feeling, passion and energy!  They are (or at least can be) motivators to action, or to inaction.  But also important: they are a huge part of what makes us human.  Tears are an outward sign that we are alive inside, and that our hearts are viable and capable of sustaining life!
  
  In my culture, and others, we often try to hide our tears.  They are seen as signs of weakness and vulnerability, and to be avoided if at all possible.  When we see someone cry, therefore, our own emotions tend to have a strong, empathic response - hence the most emotionally-powerful scenes in the media are often ones in which one actually sees the character's tears.  There really is nothing wrong with having and expressing emotion...we just fear being seen as weak.
  
  The things that bring me to tears, especially ones on the not-happy end of the spectrum, are usually powerful, because between the neural over-simulation due to inflammation and chronic pain, and medications that supposedly help counterbalance them, my emotions can be a bit dulled.  Yet, it is often these symptoms which cause the greatest emotional toll on me, thus creating a cycle which can turn into a downward spiral very quickly.  I don't get to the point I can vent those things, very often, so when it does happen, it tends to be hard on my mind and body, but yet at the same time it can reset them, so I can begin again.
  
• I'm grateful for the people and things worth missing.  I have had to grow into this one.  Longing, grief and the heartache that can accompany any variation of these, are not easy to bear, as those who have experienced them understand.  Whether it is something we've never had, but have always longed to have; someone we've loved and lost in some way, be it through death, or simply having to be apart; disappointment over having had something that meant the world to us and having to let it go, be it anything from health, to abilities, to more tangible things like our homes, jobs or other financial security.
  
  But I think there comes a kind of purifying process, in coming to miss something which one has had, and to which one longs to return.  In some ways, it deepens us, enriches us, and makes us more aware of life and its various meanings, as well as our perception of our own lives what we want to make of them.  It can help us understand and develop empathy, and the realization that others can benefit from our wisdom, as much as we can benefit from theirs.  If one can find that kind of connection, it is a beautiful gift.
  
• I'm grateful for the circumstances that brought me to develop the PB Project, itself, and the growth and connection is has provided me.  Those who know me, and many who have connected and follow the PB Facebook Community Page, have the idea that I created the Project more for my own benefit, than for others'.  I suppose that is partially true, though at the time it was more about what I could give the world, than what I could get from it.
  
  I have always felt a sense of responsibility to the world, which might seem strange.  When I was young, I was taught about God, and one day I looked up to the heavens and said, "If even one person could benefit from the experiences I have in life, then I'll accept whatever this life will give me."  I'm not sure how exactly things worked out in The Grand Scheme of Things, with regard to that rather lofty and naive, if sweet and sincere, promise...but I've felt like I made that promise to myself, most of all, and I need to be true to it.  Those who know me best know, I'm very dedicated to the promises I make, and do my best to hold tight to them.
  
  So...when the ideas came together and I got the courage to put them into action, the result was a conglomeration of events and choices that made The Phoenix and The Butterfly what it is.  I have tried to stay true to the idea that we are all "strangers, as friends", meaning that even though most of us have never met (currently there are nearly 2500 members, from all over the world, in the Facebook community); and most of us likely won't, at least physically; we are all united in a common purpose, which is to support, uplift, survive and even thrive, together.  The positive energy that has been created by the members there, has astounded me!  We are very loving and kind to each other, which is exactly what I hoped would happen.

        Therefore, reader, I am grateful for you.  Every day, you help me remember to focus on the light and positive energy of life, even when I can barely see it.  The Project and its participants (here, on FB and otherwise) have created something to which we all can turn to find something to soothe or comfort on the days we need it.  I sometimes have to force myself to look at the Feed and pick out things I think could help someone, and often, by the time I've done that...I feel just a bit more like I can do it.  Moving forward with this blog has kept me needing to focus on something positive that I can take with me through the week, and that, too has helped me feel stronger, even when I have a hard time believing it.  I can keep moving forward and hope for those better things to come, because I feel like it's important that someone out there understands that they are not alone.  Thank you for that.

        May we all have better days ahead, my friends!