Perhaps I'm doing this, and the last post, in the wrong order.
I probably realized that when I made the list -
I skipped this topic on purpose, then decided to go back.
Because it's my blog and I can confuse if I want to! ;) Of course, I could say I did it to stay within the January train of thought, but since I don't like resolutions that much, I'll go with the confusion theory!
I therefore chose the topic of meanings and benefits of looking at the past, for this week. We folks who like to promote positive energy and perspectives often get on a roll when it comes to not looking at the past but focusing on the present, in order to provide for the joy of the future. And hey, that's a great philosophy, and I'm not knocking it! I am all for mindfulness and living in the moment of Now! But...how do we fully embrace our Now, without at least understanding that our Past influences, if not defines us?
It's a tricky line to cha-cha. My own philosophy is to be mindful of as much of our Now as we can be, which must include facing and embracing our Back Then, without allowing ourselves to wallow in it. How can I truly learn to overcome and find balance, if I've got triggers smacking me upside the head, and I've no idea why?
There are many schools of thought on the subject, and many have very valid points. All I can really say is that I'm not a professional, so my perspective is purely through personal experience, including my own counseling, classes, workshops, reading materials, conversations, and so forth. But for me, knowing that I see the world in a certain way, and how I came to see it that way, helps me ground myself, even if I have to repeat a mantra, such as: "I'm not who I was, back then; I was doing the best I could with what I had, just as I am doing the best I can with what I have now; and that has to be good enough." That one in particular became an emotional staple that pulled me through a very difficult time when guilt and shame dominated my existence. It helped me train my mind to believe the positive, which helped me learn to forgive and let go.
Of course, this kind of thing also has helped me let go of hurts, traumas and the bad attitudes others had and did toward me, eventually giving me a sense of freedom from my own bad attitudes and providing resolution through forgiveness. That's still the plan, in some cases. Still working on bits and pieces, but getting there. All those pro-future, poster folks make it sound easy, but it isn't, always. A lot of times, it's a lot of work! But I believe it can happen, given my experience (in my Past!), and that's huge.
Another way I think of looking to the past is a bit more positive. Yes, there is a positive component, if we're willing to set the emotional rip tide aside and think more clearly. Whether one wants to admit it or not, we're just as much formed by the good that has happened in our lives, as anything unpleasant.
Think about it: there had to be a sibling; parent; cousin; aunt; uncle; teacher; neighbor; friend...someone who had a positive influence on your life. If you can't think of one off hand...spend some time thinking. They didn't have to be nor do anything that moved the proverbial mountains; they just had to give you something of your own, to hold, be it real or figurative, that you could carry into your life. They were important, and being grateful is even more important.
Culture, heritage, biology, even the timeline of when you grew up - they all played a role in your creation, and it's good to know how they affected you. Again, I'm not saying spend years immersed in the process of discovering every, minute detail...I'm saying know yourself well enough that as you focus on your Now, you know what it is your focus represents. When looking toward the Future, consider what parts of the equation of your life you want to keep with you, and which ones you want to let go. It's up to you.
And again, I'm not saying it's just that easy. But you can't know what to choose, if you don't know your options! Once you choose the What, you can then work on finding out the How. Usually, there is some habit development and retraining of your thinking processes, which does take work, and often some pain and struggle, but is worth it in the end, if it's really what you want...just like any dream or goal you set for yourself.
So while I would very much recommend letting go of the past and embracing the present, in order to provide a strong foundation for the future...I also realize that one must embrace the past in order to let go of it, and to understand what that means, for you. It isn't an easy process, but we are worth the freedom, strength, confidence and peace it can provide us, so that we may face what comes with more balance.
Better days ahead, my friends!
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