My friends, I have to admit, the response to that last, blog post was absolutely phenomenal, and unexpected! I had no idea so many people would respond in such powerful, positive and understanding ways, publicly and privately!
When I discussed the post with the friend who originally inspired it, they had some comments which, when combined with some I received from others, made me realize a follow-up post needed to be made. This made deciding on a post topic for this week rather simple, even if the composing of the post has not been so easy! Once again, I hope I do justice to those whose lives and hearts were touched by the things covered in that last post.
For the purposes of this post, I'm going to keep the quotes anonymous, and edit them for focus and clarity, but use those not shared by my friend, because they were comments posted publicly via the PB Project Facebook Page. I do hope that those who made them feel that I did so in a proper and respectful way, and I am deeply grateful for them!
Before you read these comments, please think of them as things someone you love would say. As I have explained before, there is a good chance you, yourself, do know someone with an invisible and/or mental or emotional illness, which they suffer "in silence", but whose life could be much benefited by your compassion and support. These are actual things that people who struggle with these kinds of conditions have said, and I feel they need to be shared.
- ...It comes back to what had set off the entire thing in the first place, the anger I felt at someone's situation, and how their body's illness simply won't let them do what they need to do (whatever physical symptom happens to rear its ugly head that day) while my symptoms are all invisible... Even to me! Talking about it and saying something about invisible symptoms a person can argue that theirs were too, and sure, I can't see that they can be dizzy, but I can see the effect, and they can't sit and argue about it.... That's not invisible. That's real, very real, and it sucks big time. So if they can't do things, that's the end of it. Meanwhile that guilt or whatever steps in and the old voices of my past saying "you don't have a fever, you can go to school" so I drag my sorry *** off to (do what I have to do). I hate the invisible part. I don't hate the invisible-to-others part like I once did because I now have friends who get it, and believe me, and support me. I hate the invisible-to-me part, the part that makes me question if it's ok to skip something because "I'm sick with no symptoms".
- How would it be to have a raging illness inside of you, which nobody else can see, but that you must manage, every day, and that whether or not someone believes you on the outside, you still feel like you should be able to do everything a "healthy" person does, because your illness has been determined to be "in your head", meaning in your mental/thinking, rather than just something visibly disabling, like having to be bedridden or in a wheelchair? How do you deal with the dichotomy of seeming healthy but being unable to manage the chaos and exhaustion brought on by your own thoughts?
- The part that struck me most (while reading the earlier post) was re: the guilt/pressure of not wanting anyone to realize what an effort a day can be...and how some days my phone IS the distraction, or movies, tv or computer...well it is a saving grace...also I have to plan each outing and I have to plan the next day's too...recovery from going out!!!!
- If someone spends a great deal of time distracting themselves with books, movies or other devices, in an attempt to manage their inability to handle their interactions with their lives, does that not seem like a viaible means of coping? Taking time to rest one's body while allowing the mind to focus on something calming, can be a huge relief to those who feel their thoughts just race, out of control!
- I don't go out much anymore...but I enjoy visits....
- People who are ill often don't have the ability to go out and about, and that kind of situation can lead to chronic and often powerful feelings of loneliness and depression. Sometimes exhaustion, fear, or being overwhelmed with things keep a person from feeling up to being out with other people, but that doesn't mean that they want to be away from people. It's nice to be able to have someone care enough to ask to come visit, when we're up to it.
- I, personally, and several members of my family, cannot claim 'to be in recovery', because although we are compliant with our medical treatments, we accept that we will continue to live with multiple mental health conditions until we stop breathing for the final time. Sad, but true.
- I do want to clarify, that being "in recovery", as described in the other post, is not the same as being "all better". I often hear mental illness being likened to diabetes: you can manage it, but you cannot usually cure it. However, in the context of recovery, I mean it more like an addict who goes through treatment and is "in recovery". An alcoholic/addict doesn't get cured from the addiction; they only learn how to manage and keep a watchful eye on it, trying to live as full and functional a life as possible, always living along side that illness. That is how it can be with mental illness, as well. We follow our treatment plans, mindfully watch for symptoms, try to take care of our bodies to keep them healthy, and do what we can to be our version of as healthy as possible. Often, that requires help, and who better to help than those around us, who love us?
- Unfortunately, things like my situation with Bipolar Disorder not only don't get "all better", but if left untreated, can progress and get worse as we age. I do my best to do what I can to keep things as healthy as possible, but it is simply not going to be "cured", especially with the other illnesses and circumstances going on. That is why it is so vital that loved ones understand that this is not something you can take an antibiotic for and have it go away! This is a lifetime "commitment", and we have the right to be treated with love and respect, the same as anyone else, as difficult as that can be.
- I am determined to be proactive with managing my health, but I must say some days I feel like an octopus with a juggling act! What really works for me is distraction. So long as I can help others, even if it is just by being a sympathetic ear for them to talk about what is bothering them I can always justify my existence.
- For a person who is trying to do the best they can to manage their situation as best they can, despite all the challenges inside as well as out, being able to connect with others can be a hugely healing gift. Often when we've lived through these kinds of situations, there comes a quality of empathy and support that cannot exist without that in-depth understanding of just what it is like. Being able to connect with others who have struggles, be they similar or even just any kind, can help ease that loneliness and help us feel like our existence in these often painful and humiliating situations has some kind of meaning and purpose. By letting go of the stigma which mental and emotional illnesses carry, people can find that many people with them hold wonderful opportunities for connection, compassion and understanding.
- Sometimes, the more you try to explain it to someone, the crazier you seem. There is a such a stigma. It's really hard sometimes.
- Trying to express what a person with an illness of perception, thinking, and/or emotion experiences, can be difficult for both the person trying to explain, and for the person trying to understand. In some instances, it can be like trying to rhyme with orange or purple, or describe the flavor of salt to someone who has never tasted it, before. The stress caused by these endeavors can make it even more difficult, because the person inside the mind of an illness might realize that they seem "crazy" to anyone outside it, and fear rejection of some kind. The worth of patience, understanding, empathy and compassion cannot be expressed enough.
As you might be able to realize, there are many facets of mental and emotional illnesses which others without experience with them might have difficulty understanding. It can be frustrating and frightening to try, because it may seem so foreign, especially when viewed with the backdrop of stigma. However, one thing which might help that person develop more of an open mind... I once heard a message by a man whose name I can't remember and cannot find, a part of which I must paraphrase, so forgive me, but: "If you have ever witnessed a person go through a panic attack... or a deep depression... how could you ever think they were doing it on purpose?" Either way, why would a healthy person do that? And that doesn't even touch on other, serious illnesses like dissociative disorders, schizophrenia and other, such things.
I'm not going to deny it; sometimes there really can be something terrifying even in the watching of a person who is that deeply affected by these kinds of issues, especially when added to the intense pain of having to watch a loved one suffer. And yet, even a person who is not "grounded" in the "reality" most people agree exists, deserves the same kind of respect and compassion which would be afforded one who agrees with the majority! It is the same with someone who simply seems "quirky" by some standards; we only fear what we do not understand, and people who think in different ways than you are not always a threat. Sometimes, different just means... different.
Better days ahead, my friends!
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