Dear Body,I don't know what the problem is, what started it nor why you are so bent on being at war. Quite honestly, I don't really care. Get over yourself! Literally! This autoimmune stuff affects more than just you, so knock it off.
Sincerely yours,
Myself
Have you ever heard the phrase, "No pain, no gain"? It was a pretty popular, workout motivator in the 1980s (so I've um, heard *coughs*...wouldn't want to date myself, after all).
Have you ever heard it used with regard to autoimmune disease or other chronic, painful conditions? I'm guessing it is unlikely, given that anyone with them, who has the strength, might smack anyone who says it, upside the head! That has been my general experience, that is. If nothing else, saying such a thing would demonstrate a serious lack of understanding.
I'm not a particularly lazy person. There was a time, not many years ago, I spent my days with 45 minutes on a fast track treadmill, then the rest of the day cleaning either my place, someone else's, or at least doing their laundry. I've spent hundreds of hours doing craft service projects, or finding ways for others to do their own. I've developed myriad ways to save money, time and effort in doing the regular, everyday doings that need doing every day, or at least regularly. I used to do a lot of things.
These days, what and how much I do usually depends on, to use a popular reference called The Spoon Theory, how many "spoons" I have and on what I need to spend them. Sometimes to qualify as a "good week", I will have managed to get to the pool clinic two days (where I spend at least two hours each time, total), not dragged down to the point of needing an extra nap nearly every day, and can only rate my pain at an average of 4-5 on the 0-10 pain rating scale.
On the bad weeks?
You probably don't want to know.
Regardless, I'm not exactly proud to admit it.
It's not just the effects on my body, mind and spirit, either.
I watch it in the faces of those I love, and hear it in their voices, and read it in their emails and IMs.
I watch it in the nieces and nephews who can't understand why I'm not able to wrestle and tickle fight with them sometimes, but can at others.
I feel it when it affects my relationships, when I can't give definitive answers to plans, or continually try and fail to remember things I know are important.
I experience it when it becomes awkward at meal times, whether I've remembered to bring enough food for myself so I don't have to concern anyone with my huge list of dietary restrictions.
And the list goes on.
And on.
And on.
And on....
And that's been only referencing the physical! Mentally and emotionally, I wouldn't exactly call myself a champion. In fact, much of the time I feel like I'm losing that war, too.
I came to know a friend a while back, with whom I didn't really get along. In fact, he and I clashed almost ruthlessly. I'm the kind of person who has always tried to subdue a threat by attempting to understand the other person from a more empathetic point of view, so I began to prepare for a gentle kind of confrontation. Basically, apologizing for any misunderstanding and expressing hope for resolution.
What would you know... he beat me to it, by only minutes! Evidently he is the same kind of person, essentially. We became good friends, and I have treasured the friendship and support we have been able to give each other.
The reason I mention this friend, is because of the question he asked, as soon as we started talking. He asked me if I live with chronic pain! He lives with someone who does, and so more easily recognizes the signs. It took me so off guard, I was actually stunned for some time...I didn't know I was showing such things! But I'm grateful for his compassionate response to me, despite all the chaos we had experienced before.
I honestly feel so much sympathy for those who love/live with those who experience such things! It takes a special sort of angel to be patient, loving and compassionate, especially when hope seems lost and the task at hand is just to keep the sick person moving forward in some way, or in some cases, just holding onto dear life. My gratitude for all who fill this role, in my life, and in anyone else's.
Anyway, again I say, the spirit and intention of this blog is mostly to let the someone(s) out there who need to know they aren't the only one, the chance to see that someone might just understand. Because it is so easy to feel isolated and alone, even in a room full of people; even more so at other times! So know that you are loved, if only by some stranger who happened to aim a blog post at you, in hopes it might help in some way.
Better day, my friends.
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