Smiling in the Face of Life's Experience

Ever have an experience in life when you've made choices that led to amazing things...

and then ended up with undesirable consequences?

Or perhaps an experience when you've felt absolutely wonderful...

and then suddenly something happens and you're left with undesirable

(even horrible) circumstances?

Well, I have some news for you!

        If you can say yes in one way or other, to one or both of these... you've experienced something amazing, the value of which far, too few realize!  I understand it isn't easy to endure the loss of the wonder and brilliance of those happy moments.  But would you give up the opportunity to have had such moments of utter joy, peace, love, and/or magic?  Honestly?

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

~ Dr. Seuss

        Mind you, I'm not trying to trivialize nor invalidate the pain of loss.  I do comprehend grief, and have experienced a wide variety of it in my lifetime.  My heart really does understand that yours might be wanting to yell at me for even suggesting that anything related to your loss is in any way a good thing!  Especially when a loss is fresh and the pain is white-hot, full of dazed agony; and later when still burning red and seemingly unending... it can seem that there is nothing to smile about, at all!  I do empathize with that, I promise!

        But I've been at this grieving thing a long time; even since I was a child.  Not looking for pity, sympathy nor empathy, I'm just trying to say that I understand it.  And maybe it is because loss has been a repeated visitor, that I've come to understand it from many perspectives, and can embrace this quote. 

        When I was a child, losses taught me to be careful, and when I reached my teens, my losses formed me into an adult who has not exactly managed to handle life's further challenges with perfect grace!  I suppose finding someone who handles theirs perfectly all the time would be a lost cause, though.

        That's the thing with grief: it isn't easy, it isn't consistent, and it's different for each person, and each loss.  We cannot predict how it will affect us, how long it will keep jumping at us when we're most vulnerable, nor keep from being affected by it.  That's just part of the deal when it comes to allowing ourselves to become attached to people and things; when we lose them, it just plain hurts, and trying to ignore that will only make it harder to bear!

I'm not sure about for you,

but I must admit that for me,

this is one of life's most annoying truths.

        So given all of this... how can I possibly agree with the idea that instead of crying about the loss, we should be smiling?!  Because I'm not actually suggesting that we not allow ourselves to grieve!  We must get through it, and it's valid and natural.  But I guess what I'm saying is that while we are grieving, it's good to remember that for every loss, there was a joy, and a chance to really live!

        I've had plenty of situations wherein I ended up with undesired consequences of my choices, and situations wherein I was stunned by unexpected and sudden losses.  And some of them really tug at my heart, even now, as some are more recent than others.  But would I trade those opportunities, relationships, and experiences, just to avoid the hurt?

        Absolutely not.

        In fact, I'm grateful that I've been able to experience those things, because they allow me to look back over the course of my life, and smile, because I was able to live some things that made my life, and myself, richer and more interesting.  I may have to face the rest of my life longing after some of those losses, and the life that I've had to rebuild, since; but I still cannot say I regret having had the experiences. 

        This life is all we get, and sadness and pain are part of the beauty that is life.  They are the deeper shadows and undertones that allow the joyous highlights to stand out and shine even brighter!  It is because of the pain of grief that we realize just how fully we have experienced what we have had in our lives.  We are more beautiful in our depth which can only come through the experience.

        Hopefully I'm making sense, here.  There are plenty of times when I have to remember to return to this perspective, in order to keep myself moving forward; so don't feel like you're alone, if you have been.  That is the basic premise behind the PB Project; helping us realize that despite our being "strangers" who have never met, we can be friends through our sharing the human experience, together.  It is so much different, sharing the path we travel, isn't it?  Amazing, the difference.

        Better days ahead, my friends!