Okay... so I'd not exactly planned to have this blog reflect my personal journey, so much, but it appears that is where my creative powers have gone, and so I can only follow their lead. My mind is interesting, that way: it seems to want to express what it wants to express, and anything else won't get shared! So I guess you get to know me a little better!
I got chatting with an older woman about my diet restrictions, as we were out this past week. She had only heard the part about no gluten, acids, nor onion, because really, that's plenty right there without the other something like 60+, other things I have to avoid with Celiac Disease and Interstitial Cystitis; as well as the additional, semi-liquid, low-fat, low-fiber diet due to gastroparesis. She said something to the effect of, "I only have to watch for ___. You make me grateful that's all I have!" I could only chuckle.
I told her it reminded me of all the times when I was doing the aquatic therapy a few years ago, which I can no longer do thanks to chemical sensitivity and complications of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, and I'd be there with the other regulars, all of whom were over 50, but most were over 70, and I can't think of once when we'd get talking and I'd explain my situation, that I didn't have one of them say something like, "You make me grateful that all I am is old!"
I've actually had this happen this quite a bit, over the course of my lifetime. In various situations, I've found people expressing new forms of gratitude for their lives, as they realize that their circumstances might not be as bad as they thought they were, after discussing something about my experience with this or that. Sometimes it feels like I should be grateful I am a continual reminder to others that things could always be worse!
As though that actually makes me feel better about my own circumstances.
Now, don't get me wrong! I've actually built my life around helping people turn their perspectives to be more positive, though I don't typically use myself as a primary example. As a child I didn't dream of growing up to remind people to be grateful that they don't have to live a life like mine! I keep trying to keep my own perspective positive, which includes developing pragmatic, "radical acceptance"; however, being continually reminded that my story is so bad it in itself reminds people to be more grateful theirs isn't, isn't always, particularly helpful.
It's hard for people to know what to say, and I get that.
So I've also made it a minor mission to help people be mindful of empathy, and their mental and external responses to others. Part of why I share some of my story is so people know that it's okay to love people with unbelievable challenges as though they're normal people, so to speak. And I don't have to share it all to make my point. If I have to live any of this, I don't want my experience to be wasted; and if that means someone is inspired into gratitude, who am I do deny them that opportunity?
However, I also don't want anyone to believe that I feel comparisons are healthy.
In fact, that couldn't be further from the truth! I don't like comparisons any more than I like cliches, and it's important that we try to remember that we are each and all struggling through challenges that are unique to us, and just as valid, important, heavy for us, and deserving of empathy and compassion, from ourselves and each other. Feeling that in comparison it's "all we have" isn't really helpful, unless it does help us turn our perspectives from one of powerlessness and self-pity to one of gratitude and self-love, self-compassion, and self-empowerment. I'm fairly certain I wouldn't want to figure out your challenges, either, but the nice thing is we can all work together to help each other along the paths of our lives, which often makes any challenge easier to bear.
I'd be interested to know of your own viewpoints on this topic, either from one side or the other! Feel free to comment here, or elsewhere, such as the PB Project Community Facebook Page. It's important for us to learn from one another, I think!
Better days ahead, my friends!
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