The Story of My Truth, and Defying the Ending

        I'm going to share another something I recently shared with some of my personal folks, with some modifications.  This might or might not sound kinda lame to you.  But it's my truth.  So be it.

        The other day, I saw a post on the Pages Feed of the PB Facebook Community Page which caught my eye and had me thinking.  The post is a quote by Brené Brown:

Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending--

to rise strong, recognize our story, and rumble with the truth

until we get to a place where we think,

'Yes.  This is what happened.  This is my truth.

And I will choose how this story ends.'

        As the power and personal meaning behind this message washed over me, it couldn't have come at a more perfect timing, as I have recently been pondering my own story, my own truth, and yes, even my own story's end.  It's nearly impossible to have been given a life-changing diagnosis without contemplating my life and future in a more vivid sort of way, regardless of what other circumstances surround it.

        And then of course, having complications with finding further diagnoses because the insurance system here in the States can be a complex, cruel beast, and they are denying me any further testing and medical support after that initial examination, specifically with regard to the testing for a possibly life-threatening condition and the palliative care related to my hypermobility and some other issues.  There are specialists who can provide orthotics and special, personalized, physical therapy to help stabilize my joints, for example, and a test which can determine if some of my dyautonomia, or messing up of my autonomic (or automatic) nervous system, is related to a specific type of degeneration.  This means that while I was able to be introduced to a wide variety of help and possibilities, I am unable to make use of them.

        Like most people, I'm still not sure how my story will end.  I think of how I felt about each ending of my parents' lives, and how I hoped I could create a more meaningful ending for my own.  I've done all I've been able to do, every day, to reach out and touch, or welcome connection with, the lives of as many golden, often tattered hearts as possible, hoping that they, too, can find a way to make their story count for something.  I seem to mother everyone, whether through my Mother Hen or my Mama Bear!  I suppose in that way I have begun to "defy the ending".

        My gathered "whanau" span the entire globe; include people from every continent; many islands; countless countries, cultures, faiths, political affiliations, ethnic groups, financial situations; various physical, mental, and emotional circumstances...and you happen to be one of them! I had no idea when I was starting out in life that so much would be possible!

And yet, I still struggle to figure out how my story will end - or not end - every, single day.

It was already a convoluted sort of story back when it was "just depression and anxiety,"

but then the plot twists started happening, and, well....

...How am I going to defy it all?

        I just want the person(s) who might need to know, you're not alone if you struggle with writing your story, whatever your story, and whatever happens toward the end, too.  The less connection and control I feel over pretty much anything in my life anymore, the more I feel free to live my truth.  I actually don't need to focus on the ending, when I'm busy making the legacy I'll leave behind something I'd be interested in reading, even if it's easier read than lived.  Perhaps in that way we can defy what our stories have been telling us will be ahead!  And if you need someone who "gets it", I could always use someone who does, too.  It's kind of a lonely road when nobody knows what to do with you.  I guess that's why we're in this together, hmm?

        So there you go.  I'm claiming my truth, as weird and crazy as it may be.  How about you?

        Better days ahead, my friends!