Hello, my friends! This week I'm going to try to prove myself as not being a hypocrite. Actually, I say that because I sometimes feel like one, but really, I think I'm just proving that I know it is often easier said than done!
What, dear PB, could you possibly mean? You might ask. And that is a good question! Actually, it has to do with a project I've been running on The PB Facebook Community Page lately, with poster prompts about gratitude. Just seemingly random nudges to inspire some thought about things we often take for granted or overlook.
And where does possibly being a hypocrite come in? Another great question! I've not been a very good example about considering these prompts, myself, except for my having come up with the ideas! I have been focused on gratitude, but I've not really been sharing it with you, so this is an attempt to help you see some of my gratitude, too.
- First of all, I'm grateful for the PB Project itself, of course. I've said a number of times that I feel this project has been my saving grace on more than one occasion, over the years. It has given me my own sense of purpose and meaning, and given me something to get me up and focus on positive things, each day. Even when I'm in a Bipolar down swing, I've tried to at least log in regularly to check the notifications and respond to comments. It keeps me feeling like I've a responsibility, which keeps me moving forward when I'd rather just stop, in general.
- Something else which has been on my mind lately, when considering gratitude, are the occasional glimmers of light coming from those little moments we don't expect to happen, but which illuminate things for a time. For example, one day this past year a girl in a wheelchair in an alcove at a store called out to me as I went by in an electric shopping cart headed toward the door, and said with a smile, "I love your shirt!" Totally took me off guard, as it wasn't the best day, ever, as I'd begun the process of transition into a new challenge, and the frustration of needing the cart and the rude, judgmental stares and thinly-veiled comments from people in the store had actually had me crying in an aisle, earlier. So having someone surprise me with a smile shook me out of my gray and I naturally smiled back and thanked her! I left that store in shock, but also wonder, as that girl who no doubt has also endured stares and rudeness let me know that she recognized a kind of kinship between us. Every time I think of that, it touches me, and even while composing this, has me in tears at the love she showed me that day.
- Which then also leads me into gratitude for the times I've made someone cry, too! I'm grateful that I learned the value of that, even though it wasn't until that girl did it to me, that I realized what a profound affect it can actually have!
- I'm also grateful for friends who are willing to allow me to help them in ways that might seem small to others, but are huge to those friends, and to myself. Even something as a text to remind someone of something, or helping to do the "busy work" on a project they're doing which is important to the project but holds them back from what they want to get done. I have no trouble stuffing envelopes, doing data entry, and the like, which is actually not something a lot of people can claim! It gives me joy to know that since there aren't a lot of bigger things I can do, those little things I don't mind doing can be a way I can contribute to the lives of those I love in meaningful ways!
- While there has been a lot of time I've spent buried under a cascade of grief, depression, anxiety, and/or other things, there have also been a lot of times I've experienced things that many can't claim, and for which I am deeply grateful. Even the painful ones, or the ones which have led to pain - if only by my ethical, pragmatic nature, I couldn't deny myself the full experience of living, just to avoid heartache and pain! But some brilliant, shining moments, too! Maybe one day it would be fun to share some of those, though doing so with some feels a bit silly, to me, even though they are part of my life's story. For now, I mindfully acknowledge them, and smile at the recollection.
- As I'm now to the age my parents were when I began to experience this living thing, I now value their positions as adults in my life. To be blunt: they were a mess, each and together! But they were both doing the best they could with what they were given, and as I acknowledge that, I can accept my own failings and shortcomings more easily. I still carry the scars and quirks I inherited from them, but I'm becoming aware of their potential meaning in my life.
- Granted, I'm grateful for sunshine, and blue skies, green leaves and brilliant flowers, when they come. And storm clouds, rain and snow, and how if we look at them just so, they can be beautiful, too, and not just the rainbows and silver linings at the ends of the storms! There are people who put their art in monochrome, black, white, and gray, for a reason!
I don't know. I guess when I was growing up, I had a lot of opportunities to learn how to be more aware of my environment, and see the beauty of the world. Seems like there was always someone who was teaching me to look around and not only see the world for what it is, but see the world as it has the potential of being. Perhaps that's part of why I've always been able to keep an optimistic outlook, even in the face of trauma, depression, uncertainty, or despair. It has become a sort of protective and survival mechanism, as I seek to find grounding in the face of tragedy or catastrophic circumstances.
So that is my musing for this week. Maybe you can take something from it and actually do something with it. You'll have to be the one who decides that. Feel free to comment if you like, either here or on the Facebook Page, where I pin these posts to the top for a week. I always love to hear from you!
Better days ahead, my friends!
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