Don't Worry! It's All Out of Control!

        Well hello, again!  Still with me, hmm?  Here we are at Week 30 of my personal challenge and I dare say there might be a few of you actually still following along!  Would be lovely if the weeks we are following actually fit the weeks of the year, but in a way, this perfectly illustrates how imperfect people can still do something decent, yet not in the prescribed rules of the... thingy.

        The quote Christine chose for this week is an interesting one, in the sense that it took my thought processes and actually made me feel accountable for them!  Who'd have thought!  How dare someone do that to me - or to you!  What if something bad happens, now?  Oh well...here's the quote:

"Worry is a misuse of imagination."

~ Dan Zadra

And then she follows the section with the following question:

How will you use your imagination

for good, instead of worry?

        Now, I kinda liked the way this quote approaches worry.  Over the years (that makes me sound older than I'd claim to be), I've had myriad doctors, therapists, counselors, instructors, teachers, leaders and some friends and peers (good grief that's a lot of people!), try to approach the mental process of worry/anxiety in their own, particular view of it.  They've seen the way around/through the circumstances igniting fear and anxiety with very different perspectives, and so I've had a wide array of information and thought processes shared with me.  Some of these have been helpful to me, and others, not so much.  I know that those that didn't help me might help others, and those that help me might not work for others, which sounds confusing, but go ahead and read it again.

        No worries; I'll wait.

        We good?  Great!  Let's resume, shall we?

        I posted to the PB Facebook page, the other day.  It went like this:

"Story time!
If you were going to write a story, what would the hero/ine be like? What would be their best strengths, talents or powers, and how would they be brought to life through the story?"

        Keep in mind, my friends, I wasn't really expecting an answer.  I mean, after all, when I throw stuff like that out there, it's more to just spark a different look at things, perhaps.  My intent is more about helping others add depth to their lives, than getting actual answers to silly questions!  If it makes one person, for one moment, think about something that reaches outside of their usual routine...makes them see something that they might not have considered, noticed or what-have-you...then that's all that matters.  Answers are wonderful; don't mistake me!  But the process of self-discovery is a personal one, and I'm not after anything but to maybe show someone my way of thinking, and if they like it, groovy.  If not, groovy, too.  "Take it or leave it," as they say.  Those omnipotent They.

        Back to the point... I did have one... when this question was posted, it was an invitation to let one's imagination wake up a bit.  Imagination is one of those things that is taught when very young, if we're so lucky, then often we forget and the amazing things we dreamed as children sort of drift into the fog of adult living.  Or... as the quote mentions... we use our imaginations to dream up all the things that could possibly go wrong.  Why our culture has taught us to live this way is curious, and interesting, depending on if you're pondering it on your own, or if there will be a quiz.

        The thing that really got me thinking, was that a very brave soul (who happens to be a good friend of mine) fed me back a perfectly-fitting answer, in terms of this post!  Basically, he was asking if there was a due date for the rough draft. :)  I couldn't have asked for a more fitting response, actually, given this week's question!  Isn't that what we've all learned, in our growings up?

When is this due?

When will the test be?  

How do I pass?  

What if I fail?

What if I'm not good enough?  

What if I cant?

... 

Get where this is headed?  

I'm pretty sure, in one way or another, we've all been there.  

         I just wish we didn't have to live in the "what if" mode, so much!  I am a terrible what-iffer!  I had a doctor once who would try to counterbalance my anxieties (which, at the time, pretty much ran my entire life) with the counsel: "Just ask yourself: what is the worst thing that could happen?"

        Let me just say... I understand where he was intending for me to go.  I knew it then.  But as he went through little thinking exercises with me, overly aggrandizing the "scary" thoughts so as to try to show me how little of the most ostentatious worry-thoughts would actually happen...

Perhaps it's time to reiterate that I do realize that for some, 

this is a very healthy method of counterbalancing fear.  

It can really put things into perspective, 

and allow one to more concretely understand how insubstantial their anxiety is.  

        ...it wasn't as effective for me.  In fact, I've been taught brainstorming since I was a young child, in creative writing and other, special programs.  Of many of the skills those classes taught me, brainstorming was one of the easiest for me to grasp!  "Write down any and all ideas!  Don't discriminate based on preconceived notions of right, wrong, good, bad, stupid, silly...anything.  Just put every thought out there, and just see what you can come up with!"  

        Basically, this doctor was giving my mind instructions to do something it was already incredibly good at!  Oh, the things that my mind can create, with regard to piling up things, of which to be afraid!  You see, the next step in the brainstorming method is to analyze what has been written down, in order to find which pieces of the puzzle work best to make whatever you are looking to have happen, do so.  

Surely you can see by now...

this wasn't the best method for reducing my own, special mix of anxiety and worry - 

it was only helping me hone my skills!

        When was it that I started living without fear that left me absolutely paralyzed, most of the time?  I'm not saying I'm free of it, but it wasn't until a friend of mine congratulated me on how far I'd come, that I realized anything had changed.  He mentioned a number of things that had happened, including having been evacuated from my home due to wildfires, to which I responded relatively gracefully.  Since he had been getting to know me during the very worst of my anxiety phase, he feels any progress is worth celebrating (and that friend is the King of Celebrating the Little Things)!  He has helped me in the very opposite way as that doctor tried to do.

        I guess, therefore, the could-be-longer-but-let's-try-not-to-make-it-quite-so-long answer to the question, How will you use your imagination for good, instead of worry? is simply to do as this friend has done: instead of brainstorming all the things that could possibly go wrong, my best weapon against worry is to brainstorm all the things that are going right, and that could be goals toward making more things go right!  And really, I think that has made all the difference.  

By focusing on proactive means of, at the very least,

reducing the effect the "wrong" has on me,

but more specifically on things that are "right"

and how I can find other ways of having "right" things happen,

my whole mindset shifts.

I am no longer just a victim.

I can be my own, unique flavor of badass against anxiety and worry.

Thank you.  Thank you very much.

        My only question remains: Where was this guy before all those years and hours and dollars and tears and ... and ... happened?!  I could pay this one with a hug and a "Thank you" (which I kinda just did, up there *points*).  There are just some things one can't "know" until one is ready, and perhaps it just took a lot of tries for me to be ready...just to begin.  So now, I guess I'm ready to say:

        Better days ahead, my friends.