I've Just Turned Into - Neither of My Parents!

        I do occasionally post stuff that isn't related to the Monday posts...in fact, I have several that are just kinda hanging out, unfinished; started because I had a motivating idea...that kinda fizzled before it could be developed into a masterpiece.  That comes from composing posts in the dark and early hours of the morning, when I should be asleep.  I'm creative, but sporadic.  Ahem.

        I was chatting with a friend, recently, about how some of life's unexpected circumstances can be the deciding factor in whether or not we end up "turning into our parents".  From all I know/experienced of my parents, there is some internal, ambivalent debate going on, as I consider further.

        I'm aware of ways I've been at times similar to how my dad was; somewhat low self-value, and generally easy going and friendly, but with a surprisingly wicked temper, if a line is crossed, for instance - though my choices of how to deal with those things has made all the difference. 

        As for my mom, due to circumstances we couldn't control, she and I spent a lifetime apart, and other than a few, small reminisces of people who knew her when I was a child, the only things contradicting the stories I was told about her by people who didn't like her, are faded or partial memories of when I was very young.  But I obviously inherited some of her mental and physical quirks. :-/

        But after she died, I was able to learn things about her that surprised me, such as how incredibly strong and loving she was of me, despite all her challenges and obstacles.  In many ways,  which I didn't realize nor understand until recently, she inspired me to choose the person I've become, through the things she taught me when I was a little girl, and getting to know her, after she died.  Who knows what I might have learned, if she had been able to be more a part of my life?

        As I continue to process my thoughts, feelings and grief about all of these things and more, I'm finding the conclusion I've been making is that I'm a part of each and both of them, and there are some pretty poignant and powerful lessons to be gained from knowing that. 

        Now that I'm able to stand back and be more objective, it is becoming increasingly clear that as far as my progress is now concerned, it doesn't matter if we were similar in certain ways, other than as a foundation for my understanding of myself as I've been.  I'm not required to adopt their attitudes and experiences, just because of who they were and who I am.  I'm required to make of myself the person I choose to be, and I choose to be someone who doesn't fit into the roles of expectation - since expectation wasn't exactly complimentary, anyway. 

        I guess my point is that we might sometimes see that we recognize parts of ourselves reflecting the circumstances of our growing up, but that isn't who we are, unless we choose it.  I know people on both sides of this issue, and that's okay, because we are all on different places on the path, and there is no right and wrong; there is only choice. 

        Hmm...I'm feeling like I just channeled Yoda, for a moment there.  Weird.

        *steps off the soapbox and wonders where to go, from here...perhaps to sleep*

        Better days ahead, my friends!