Perpetual Monsters and Chronic Demons

        I've been debating about whether or not it would be better to skip another sensitive topic, altogether.  Actually, I've been debating it since I began the PB Project!  I know I did post along this line a while back, but mostly we're just gonna move on, from here.  That is the best way to keep moving forward, yes?

        So consider this quote:

Sometimes monsters are invisible, and 

sometimes demons attack you from the inside. 

Just because you cannot see the claws and the teeth 

does not mean they aren’t ripping through me. 

Pain does not need to be seen to be felt.

~ Emm Roy, The First Step

        There are many ways to interpret this quote, and presume the topic within it.  However, I was actually searching for "chronic illness quotes", and if you happen to look it up, you'll find an extended poem-style quote which actually highlights mental illness.  While that would also apply to me, personally, I actually intended to discuss chronic illness, in general, and quite frankly, this quote could apply to both.  Since I never, really know what will end up falling out of my head by the end of these posts, who knows?  You might get both - or something else entirely - in the end, after all.

        So there has been some discussion about the topic, "What is it like to be you?"  I know for the most part this topic is mainly an attempt at gaining empathy and understanding, and as you know by now, I'm very much a proponent of such things!  So I figured in the spirit of this, I would share a bit, again, since things have changed quite a bit since I first wrote a post along these lines, and then more recently, and maybe someone needs to know that they are not alone, somehow.  We all try to do our best to maintain a semblance of successful living, but we each struggle with something, in some way.

        "Invisible monsters" have been something which have been my living companions all my life, in various ways and means.  My parents had them, as did their parents and siblings, and all of our family friendships, and all of my peers whom I got to know relatively closely.  I've not known anyone who didn't have them in some form, though their severity has varied widely.  Actually, I think it is part of being human, that we have at least something within us that tries to paw and gnaw at us, from time to time; whether mental, physical, or "spiritual", varies as well.

        These days, I'd be dishonest if I didn't admit I have a wide assortment of these, in any and all areas of my life, really.  I think being familiar with different kinds can allow us all to have empathy for each other, as it isn't so much that we share the same experiences, but that we all experience some, that connects us.  We don't have to have had the same illnesses to understand what it can be like to be ill; we don't have to have lost the same people/things to understand grief and loss; we don't have to struggle with the same things to understand what it is to struggle; we don't have to carry the same shame to understand the burden of being ashamed.  We have all had some form of sickness/illness; we have all lost someone/something; we have all had to struggle to face/overcome something; we all have carried some kind of embarrassment/shame.  Some have experienced more than others, but that is immaterial in our search for mutual understanding and acceptance.

Did you know...

• Living with a chronic, physical illness does not make you worthless?
• Having a mental illness does not make you worthy of rejection?
• Losing someone you loved - anyone - does not mean you'll never be able to heal, or love again?
• Losing something you loved does not make you silly for grieving it?
• Struggling with something does not make you weak?
• Doing or being something of which you are embarrassed does not mean you have to go through life carrying the shame, especially alone?
• Sharing your experience can bring comfort and hope to yourself, and others who are too afraid to come forward, first?

        We all have them, my friends.  We all keep these demons hidden within us, aching to let them out and not hide them, in fear of judgment and rejection!  What's more, the time, energy and attention required to keep them hidden could be so much better used in healing and helping those around us learn how to adjust and adapt to your truth, and their own! 

And, seriously, how helpful is it to fight so hard

for the approval of people who would reject us

for being who we really are, anyway?

If they aren't going to love us for our truth,

why do we think they love us in our lies?

Is the desperate hoping for something they won't give us

a monster, in and of itself?

        Just something to think about, my friends.  I'd not expected that one to fall out, but it makes sense, doesn't it?  Wouldn't it be better to fill our lives with people who love and support us, just as we are, and in our continual search for our better and more whole selves?  Because no matter what other monsters we carry with us, be it physical/mental health, grief, or other struggles, we as humans deeply need the loving connections and bonds we can only find when we stop looking only toward those who can't share them with us!

        Perhaps those more loving and supportive whanau come few and far-between, at first.  As we learn how to become more loving and supportive, ourselves, in healthy ways, and as we then search and cast our nets, we are sure to eventually find a much stronger, more secure support network, which in the end, helps and strengthens us all.  And we are worth that, all of us.

        Better days ahead, my friends!