Ohh, Is That Why It's A Cliche?!

*Warning: self-oriented-but-intended-to-have-a-point, musing, essay-esque post* (as so many are...)

Joy and Wonder: Some Assembly Required

An image I saw the other day:

A sign in the snow, next to a top hat, scarf, carrot and two buttons, which said:

"Snowman for sale.  Some assembly required."

The War of The Worlds... The Inside and Out

Dear Body,

        I don't know what the problem is, what started it nor why you are so bent on being at war.  Quite honestly, I don't really care.  Get over yourself!  Literally!  This autoimmune stuff affects more than just you, so knock it off.

                                                            Sincerely yours,

                                                                                Myself

Joining The Gratitude Bandwagon!

        Okay, okay...normally I try to avoid jumping out there to share gratitude at this time of year.  Call me a rebel if you wish...maybe I am.  But I think this time, I actually have one that I've needed to embrace this year.  So okay, let's go...

So... Now What?

        Come on in!  Don't be shy!

        Don't mind the bits and pieces of broken posts here and there; I've been in a bit of a mess since I learned to breathe, but hopefully things will smooth out and my thoughts will come out clean and clear, free of dyes and unnecessary perfumes, the way I would like them, soon enough!

        Can it really be soon enough?

A Memory, And A Realization...Or Two

        And today, another kind of memorial.

        No, I don't plan on sharing every, single memory of every, single event of this time of year, but in these two cases, they reflect things that are a huge part of why and how this blog even came to be, and since they are things that do not intrude on the privacy of other, living people, I feel I can, and possibly should, share them.

I Will Remember (and Quietly Celebrate) You.

It's just a matter of life and death.  Don't take it so seriously.

                                                     Seriously.

Waits, Weights, Measures and Letting Go

        Dang; how on earth do you let go of something so silly, yet clings to emotional memory and smacks you in the heart, every time something reminds you of it?

An Honorary Doctorate...Or Two

        I had no idea that when I grew up and began the journey for myself, that things would go the way they have, so far.  Not that anyone ever does, really.

Teetering On The Edge

        I need to amend a recent post I made (whichever one it was).  My knowledge at that time was less complete, so while I was sharing what I knew, I must now share what I have learned.

Phenomenal Umbrella Research!

        Yesterday at the pool clinic, there was some interesting discussion on Fibromyalgia that proves that no matter how quickly modern medicine find answers, there will always be a problem getting the answers out properly to everyone, no matter the topic.

Finding A Tricky Balance, With Help

        Often times, finding the balance between never giving up, and accepting what is, can be tricky.
When it seems like all your attempts at moving forward simply keep you from moving backward at as quick a pace...it can be daunting.

Looking Up

How often do we take a moment to simply look up?

I'm not talking about rolling your eyes or anything like that. 

I mean honestly, consciously looked up to the sky?

Oh, Look! You're Still Here!

*peeks out, warily, blinking in the light*

Is It What It Is?

"It is what it is."

Ugh. How that line drives me bonkers!  I know the line means well, but still!

The Miracle of Modern Medicine

      Praise to the makers and providers of modern medicine!  And for our ability to have access to it!  I cannot fathom how people without it manage to survive - or even how our modern society exists, that humans didn't just give up along the way because life simply hurt too much!

Perhaps It's Time to Find a Way to Build a Boat!

        I must admit... I have lost track of how many times I've tried to start a post, here.  It's not that I'm *that much* of a perfectionist (though I probably am).  There is no reputation that needs to be upheld, either.  I just couldn't figure out what I was really trying to say, and so for a while I gave up on it, to let it kind of stew in my mind.

        Let's see what my mind found, hmm?

It Isn't Too Late To Try Again

        So, that last post was kind of heavy.  I'm so grateful for the positive feedback I have received, by the way.  It's a bit strange to find out that someone reads these posts, and another thing altogether to have someone give really heart-felt feedback!  So thank you.

        I figured, since I waxed a bit whiny this last time, perhaps it is time to pull out some healthy coping mechanisms.  At nearly 3 am, I'm demonstrating the opposite of one such mechanism: getting enough sleep.  But I'm balancing that by trying to think of some more healthy ones, especially since I could use a few, tonight.

Okay, Let's Just Be Honest. Brutally Honest.

        Given that yesterday I was celebrating what I felt like a minor victory, and mentioned that I wondered if my body would express its attitude problem in response (which it has!), I would imagine this post would seem like an extension of such.  But really, this is a long time coming, and I suppose the time is now.

Woohoo! A Good Day! Gotta Celebrate That! *\o/*

        I have to admit, the past, several weeks (read: months) have been rather tough for me.  Summer has always been such an energizing, uplifting time of the year for me, in the past.  I fully expected that this summer would bring with the sunshine much lifting of my spirits and energizing of my being.  Not sure what the blast happened, though.

        However, as with many issues with chronic pain and illness, one is likely going to have days that are better than others, and today was one of those wonderful days!  Yay! lol

To Start Is a Great Place to Begin

        You may or may not believe this, but I'm actually a rather private person.  The idea of sharing things I'm facing, and revealing what I keep inside my layered shell, is rather daunting.  You'd be amazed at how many posts I begin to compose, only to go through and sweep out a whole batch at a time, feeling they just aren't right, for some reason.  Lately I've had a difficult time with this fear trap.

This Was Not Supposed To Be a Wake-A-Thon!

I have something to bare to the world, because admitting the problem is part of healing, right?

Okay then. Here we go.

"First World Problems"

I have to admit, many of us in the "First World" (is there a "Second World"?  I know there is also a "Third World"...), tend to take a lot of things for granted.  Unfortunately, we tend to not really appreciate things until we pretty much lose them, which besides being rather sad, is also rather a shame, because we could do so much more with what we have!  There is even that joke, about "First World problems", and how we tend to take things for granted.

Management Is A Tough Job! I Need A Raise!

I think sometimes it's easier to manage other people, than it is to manage one's self.

Every Little Step Counts!

        I've been working on this post for a rather long time.  I keep writing some, then turning around and deleting some, then writing more, then deleting more.  I'm determined to keep trying, though.  Maybe this will be the draft that gets posted!

Scaring Myself in the Name of Hope

The Phoenix and The Butterfly project originally began over a year ago, when I began to wish there was some way to connect with others in a way that might help them.  This is not my first blogging effort, but it has a different tone and timbre, so to speak.

Relax....

You might have noticed, I have an issue with sleep.  Don't get me wrong, though, I don't dislike it in general!  I think it can be wonderful, feel amazing, and of course is great for one's health!  Believe me, I could list countless reasons and ways that sleep is a good thing.  In fact, I probably know more about sleep than the Average Joe.

Flash Mobs and Missing Moms

        Sometimes that ever-mysterious "they" have said, that when you miss someone who isn't there anymore, you can still talk to them.  Whether or not you believe in the mystical or other forms of believing, sometimes it does feel good to just let go of the obvious and just open your heart to the abyss.

So, here I go, demonstrating what I mean, to the abyss of the internet.

Ahem.

A Segue Perhaps? Or Nothing, Maybe.

I've started and restarted attempts to write an entry, at this point.  I've begun, looked away a moment, lost steam, and when I returned, there was nothing left.

Times like this become rather long, rather quickly.

Medical Goulash and Shopping Carts

Life is such a curious thing, isn't he?  Just when I begin to think he might be starting to make sense, he turns around and changes things around. I really think we are Life's favorite puzzle plaything.

Every Day Is A Different Flavor of Crazy

Anyone who really knows me, knows I say that line, or a variation thereof, a lot.

"How are you doing today?"

"Crazy as the day is long, thanks!"

Working On Progress - The Did It List

I've learned a few things in my life, here and there, and sometimes they're even worth knowing!

Because It Was The Idea To Begin With

I've been really back and forth about this blog. 

Some moments it's all, "Let me do my small part to help make 

the world a bit better for someone, at least!" 

But at other moments, it's more, "I'm an idiot, and let me prove that for the eternal, 

public catacombs of the internet to display!" 

*sigh*

Goodbyes Can Take A Very Long Time

Today I was fortunate enough to have a friend willing to take me to visit my dad's grave for the first time since he was buried in 2007.

My Love/Hate Relationship With Life

Ever have those days when Irony rears her little head, ready to catch you at just the right (read: wrong) moment?  How about those days when she decides to keep at it, nearly cackling in her maniacal, little way?  Yes, she and I go way back.  Far, far too far back!

Recipes For Someone A Little Different

On this journey through life, one thing that is required is that we eat at least occasionally.  When one has food allergies, intolerance or other special requirements or needs, it can become daunting to try to figure out how to manage in a culture filled with items that one has to avoid.

One Step Forward...In Which Direction?

"One step forward, two steps back..."  We've all heard the cliche. 
I suppose, if we're to be trying to be positive and optimistic, one way to see it is that we should be grateful we could take the steps at all.

It's A Beautiful Day

No matter what the weather, it's important to look at the beauty of every day.  Because even cold, gray, murky days have their own kind of beautiful, even if at first it's hard to see.

Grieving The Loss of Self

Today I'm considering the loss of one's self, and the grief that accompanies it.

Brief Moments of Clarity

I believe it is in the small, quiet moments of reflection we find clarity.

Abilities and The Fluidity of Life

Today, my thoughts are on abilities.  Rather, on how abilities range depending on different factors, like whether or not one is tired, or in some form of pain, or having had some type of damage.  Everyone has various abilities, and many are dependent on such factors, and each person's range is different than others' might be.

So today, I thought I'd sit down and explore that a bit.

The First Step

Okay.  Here' goes....

I'm PB (no, not peanut butter, but good one!), and I have a problem.

They say that's the first step, right?  To just be bold and courageous and just admit it.